Led by Justice Neil Gorsuch, the Supreme Court ruled that federal law prohibits LGBTQ discrimination in the workplace. This means the LGBTQ community has the same rights as any other employee at one of America’s five remaining businesses.
Clarence Thomas and Brett Kavanaugh dissented, saying it had to do with interpretation of the law, and nothing to do with getting hammered and trying to kiss Dame Edna.
Meanwhile, T-Mobile users in D.C. suffered an outage today. Which is why Trump had to bicycle around with a bullhorn shouting “LAW & ORDER!”
But Trump’s niece Mary will release a tell-all book with salacious stories about the president. Which just goes to show we all have a racist, Trump-loving uncle.
Yep, Trump’s niece Mary will release a tell-all book. And to make sure Trump supporters buy it, she’s named the book “PICTURES OF TRUCKS!”
ABC will air an exclusive interview with John Bolton just before his book release. Well you know what they say – strike while the iron’s been replaced by a travel steamer.
Trump rescheduled a rally that was scheduled to fall on the day slavery was finally abolished, Juneteenth. Though it was troubling he said it’s to prepare for his own holiday,
”Novendoftheworld.”
In light of the pandemic, Trump advisor Larry Kudlow says people should wear masks to rallies. Then he checked the polls and told Trump, “You should wear a paper bag.”
While discussing COVID-19 today, Trump told the White House press pool, “If we stop testing right now, we’d have very few cases, if any.” Wow – I’ve never seen someone impersonate Yogi Berra, Kramer and 13-year-old me explaining to Dad why I mowed the Twilight Zone logo into our lawn – all at once!
Trump actually said: “If we stop testing right now, we’d have very few cases, if any.” While if we stop trying to take down an ice cream-loving Leslie Nielsen character who’ll serve just one term before handing the reigns to Kamala, we’d have zero Trump quotes, if any.
Google reported an increase in searches for COVID-19 symptoms. But experts say if you feel ill, you should immediately see a doctor who’ll just excuse himself and check WebMD. (Or her or themselves!)
Native American tribes have reopened casinos despite state opposition. When told they could be spreading a deadly disease, Native Americans said, “The very idea.”
Mayor de Blasio and Governor Cuomo’s decision to cancel religious services led to a lawsuit from priests and rabbis. But to show how divided we are, the minister just walked out of the bar.
Actually, a new poll shows that American Pride is at an all time low. I kind of got that feeling when I saw the trailer for Marvel’s next movie, “Captain Antarctica.”
Speaking of movies, the 2021 Oscars were moved to next April due to COVID-19. Which seems unnecessary, since the entire show is basically one long Zoom meeting.
“Somebody mute Joaquin…”
The Oscars are postponed. I guess it would be weird on the red carpet hearing, “Who are you wearing?” “Mask and hazmat suit!!” “Who are you wearing?” “Mask and hazmat suit!!”
And Ted Cruz tweeted at “Hellboy” actor Ron Perlman, challenging him to wrestle Ohio Congressman Jim Jordan. Meaning we now have a tie for creepiest manager…
“Ohhhh yes, porn link on 9/11!”
Then Trump said, “You guys wanna wrestle in a cage??”
And if you’re a baseball fan, don’t forget to download the new update to “MLB: The Show,” where your team just spends the whole summer watching basketball.
Engineers have developed the first-ever underwater WiFi system. So if you thought 2020 was bad before, wait til bin Laden joins Twitter. (And tweets about “The Bachelor.”)
And lastly, a new study found that up to 37 intelligent life forms could be living in our galaxy. Then scientists said, “Whoops forgot about Earth – 36.”
So goddamn. Lots of bad stuff, like the tragic death of Oluwatoyin Salau, the lack of charges brought against those who killed Breonna Taylor, and the ominous forecasts for COVID-19. So I’ll try to leave you with something positive. And for that, I take you back to my old neighborhood of Astoria, Queens. I cannot tell you how much I miss New York City. I didn’t think it was possible to be in New Hampshire, seeing my parents, and feel this homesick. While there was a lot I took for granted in New York City, I never took New York City itself for granted, and I loved Astoria. In fact, I’ll argue that there’s no friendlier neighborhood on the planet, and no safer, happier place than my favorite bagel shop…
…Okay, so now that everywhere’s the worst let’s move on to Hoboken. In the fall of 2016, a week before the Election, we moved there. I don’t know if it was the timing or other stresses, but I never felt at home in Hoboken. In Astoria, I was always in a good mood going to work. It may not have shown, but I was – because every day on the way to the Steinway subway stop, I would see something funny. Whether it was a literal clown car or a dog in high tops, I always saw something that made me smile. I never really had that in Hoboken. Except for once.
Shortly after my daughter was born, when it felt like things were settling down, I went for a run along the Hudson one Sunday night. When I was done, I was stretching and admiring the rainbow lights on the Empire State Building to mark Pride. Soon after, I saw two guys walking my direction holding hands. I thought: You know? Finally – something that’s great. It’s really great that this couple can enjoy a warm summer night and be happy without fear of judgment, bullying, or worse.
Then I turned the other way, and saw the guys in the tracksuits. Older guys, exiting an Italian restaurant on the water. In New Jersey. Did I mention they were wearing tracksuits? Toothpicks in their mouths, they walked toward the couple and I thought: Oh no. I’ve seen “Johnny Cakes.” This isn’t good. Next thing I knew, there I was – standing in between these cocky guys in track suits, and this couple nervously stopped as Paulie and the Walnuts flashed their eyes over to the Empire State Building.
Finally, right as I was about to play “hero,” the lead Walnut smiled and said something I’ll never forget: “Hey! Happy Gay Day!” Then, all the other tracksuits said, “Yeah! Happy Gay Day!” After exchanging waves, these two happy, smiling entities passed – and that was the one thing I saw that made me laugh – and I mean laugh – in Hoboken. I loved every aspect of it. It reminded me of my old neighborhood, where everyone was different but accepting – albeit in a goofy, left-of-center way.
But there’s a greater lesson here. I’m pretty sure “Happy Gay Day” isn’t necessarily the proper greeting for Pride. But it came from a good place, and it was the tracksuit way of saying, “We’re with you.” And I think that’s crucial right now – realizing that we may not say the right thing, and you may not hear the right thing. But pay attention to the tone. More often than not, it is, “We’re with you.” If you’ve made it this far, you know I’m with you. Especially everyone in New York City – and know that at every moment of every day, I hope there’s a time we can be there again, together.
Keep Your Moods Up, And Happy Pride,
Jon
