We’re all struggling right now, but at least you aren’t my neighbor, Karen Boomer.
Today is Memorial Day. It’s the day we remember those who gave their lives living in foxholes while we struggle through the torture of “The Last Dance” ending.
Memorial Day is to honor those who made the ultimate sacrifice to defend our nation. And as he does every year, President Trump laid two tiny wreaths at his heels. “Never forget.”
With the NBA set to resume play in Orlando, there’s talk of switching to a different playoff format that eliminates conferences. So you would have the Lakers playing the Nets, the Raptors playing the Grizzlies, and the Knicks playing Fortnite.
The first round would also feature the Heat playing the Thunder. And the whole series will air exclusively on The Weather Channel.
The Washington Nationals unveiled their World Series Championship ring, and as a tribute to a player’s walk-up song, it features Baby Shark. Which means somewhere, Ty Cobb is saying something racist about sharks.
Get this: a Bolivian orchestra is stranded in a haunted German castle surrounded by wolves. Starring Cuba Gooding Jr. and Katherine Heigl.
But this is true: a Bolivian orchestra is stranded in a German castle. When they heard the news, officials were like, “This is very important: have the candlesticks started singing yet?”
Yep, a Bolivian orchestra is stranded in a haunted German castle surrounded by wolves. Some call it a nightmare, while most call it a dream they’ve have five nights a week for three months.
A surprise hit during all of this is “The Wretched,” a low-budget horror movie about a young person who discovers an evil witch in the woods. Critics say it’s a lot like “The Blair Witch Project,” in that I’ll never see it.
The film is about a young boy who discovers an evil witch in the woods, then rushes to warn his neighbors. Then the next day, he says, “Never mind – Murder Hornets got her!”
And an official “Friends” cookbook will be released in September. Though I was a little concerned when I saw Ross’ recipe was “Monkey Brains.”
Actually, a hospital in Trinidad and Tobago is in trouble after a monkey got into an operating room. Nurses knew something was up when the “doctor” said, “Scalpel…scissors…banana…”
That’s right, an actual live monkey snuck into an operating room. And today, it was promoted to Secretary of Trump’s COVID-19 Taskforce. “I like George a lot. Asks lots of important questions.”
And in Argentina, a parrot is set to take the stand in a murder trial. That is, if it ever gets past the bailiff. “Please state your name.” “Please state your name.” “Juan Garcia.”“Juan Garcia.” “That’s my name!” “That’s my name!” “Judge!” “Judge!” “Shut up or I’ll kill you, too!” “The parrot rests, Your Honor.”
Country star Mogan Wallen was kicked out of Kid Rock’s Memphis bar for causing a disturbance. I guess the disturbance came when he wore a shirt and ordered a ginger ale.
And lastly, New Zealand’s Prime Minister kept going with a TV interview during a brief earthquake. Then another world leader said, “Where’s my prize for ignoring a three-month pandemic?? Rigged!”
Keep Yourselves Up, and Thank You For Your Service,
Jon