Well…not a good sign when three ghosts asked if I could switch to Zoom on Christmas Eve. “I am the Ghost of Christmas Past! But out of an abundance of caution...”
Yep - like Lance Armstrong’s testicles, this Christmas will be small and distanced. #Topical
Here’s my question: will it just be New York’s current governor giving COVID briefings, or are the Cuomos gonna do their own broadcast like the Manning brothers?
But here’s some good news: someone I love finally turned against Fox News. We tearfully embraced, and promised that next year, we're going to burn down their Christmas tree.
The Omicron outbreak caused United to cancel 170 flights. Still…they probably shouldn’t have done it mid-flight. “Grab a chute, Grandma!”
Delta canceled 130 flights and JetBlue canceled 50. While Spirit Airlines went around to their passengers’ lawn chairs and popped the balloons.
Once again, NORAD provided satellite updates on Santa’s location. I was like, “Great - ANOTHER rich, old white guy in space.”
Elon Musk was named Time Magazine’s “Person of the Year.” Which means now, we have to explain to Time readers who Elon Musk is, and to Musk’s fans what Time Magazine is.
After being retired for three years, NBA veteran Joe Johnson signed with the Boston Celtics. You can tell Johnson’s old because when he drives to the hoop, he hits a bunch of parked cars.
Tom Brady got so frustrated during a game on Sunday, he smashed a Microsoft Surface tablet. And if you wanna see a replay – just watch the relative on Christmas who thinks they’re getting an iPad.
“The Matrix Resurrections” is in theaters. I can’t wait to buy a ticket, try to follow it, then give up and go to see “Sing 2.” (Singin’ animals?? That’s my speed.)
In the new “Matrix,” Neo is again given the option of taking a blue pill or a red pill – but this time, he spends the film consulting about it with Joe Rogan.
After years of renovations, LaGuardia won a prestigious architectual award for Best New Airport. Or put another way – until now, LaGuardia technically wasn’t even an airport.
And lastly, a new study says male beetles give females oral sex to impress them. When they heard that, people watching “Get Back” said, “So that’s why Yoko sits so close.”
