Well if there’s one thing we learned this weekend: it takes more than one glass of water to put out a dumpster fire…
It came out that Trump is increasingly obsessed with proving he is physically fit. But it got awkward when he asked for a pair of dumbbells and Don Jr. and Eric showed up.
Trump’s really trying to get into shape - he even wears thumb weights while he tweets.
But it’s a tough choice for Trump; does he do a pushup, or just give in and wear one?
Trump is also obsessed with reelection, and often demands to know how he’s doing in the polls. Then his staff says, “Well if we just slow down the poll-taking, everything will be fine!”
Because of COVID-19, the second debate between Trump and Joe Biden was moved to Miami. Then hurricanes said, “You know, you guys seem busy enough already…”
Dr. Fauci says he is cautiously optimistic a COVID-19 vaccine could be available by New Year’s. That way, everyone can pack Times Square and catch literally everything else.
Yep, a “giant” event where someone drops the ball - also known as “a Trump rally.”
Believe it or not, Trump wasn’t the weirdest looking person at his rally, thanks to this guy:
But sadly, his night also ended on a pretty rough note…
With a second wave of COVID-19 expected, many are admonishing people for not wearing masks in public. Then they got back to saying how a guy who’s gotten away with fraud, treason, tax evasion and sexual assault for 40 years is “finished” after just one rally.
Seven Philadelphia Phillies tested positive for COVID-19. Which still isn’t as bad as all the things the Phanatic tested positive for.
“I didn’t think this was possible, but…your lice have lice!”
In order to prevent the spread of COVID-19, Airlines announced they are banning alcohol. Then they announced they were looking for volunteers to fly the plane.
While boarding Air Force Two, Mike Pence fell face-first onto the stairs. After which, he married the stairs. “I’m sorry, Mother, but I had to…”
Yep, Pence fell on the Stairs. Which explains all those new campaign signs:
There’s a theory the government has been dropping off fireworks that have been going off in New York City at night. They might have a point, because the other night, a black van dropped Trump off right after his rally.
That’s right, non-stop fireworks, bad haircuts and spending most of the year indoors. Which explains New York’s new name: New Hampshire.
Michael Keaton is in talks to return as Batman in the upcoming “Flash” movie. But you’ll know he’s aged when his utility belt is replaced with a cell phone holster.
Keaton would play Batman. “But who’s gonna be Bruce Wayne??” asked 6-year-old Rineman after watching the whole movie, just days after he almost skipped first grade.
Four episodes of “30 Rock” have been pulled for featuring blackface. People said, “Are there any shows that didn’t feature blackface??” Then producers for the A-Team said, “Should we tell them ‘Mr. T.’ was just Meryl?”
Winona Ryder says Mel Gibson made homophobic and anti-Semitic remarks at a party. Gibson was shocked, saying, “But nothing sexist, racist or dwarf-related??”
A Delaware man caught an eight-foot shark with his bare hands while swimming. Before he could do any harm to the shark, they were carried away by a baby Murder Hornet.
A priceless 17th Century portrait of the Virgin Mary was ruined by a man trying to restore it. Personally, I don’t think it’s all that bad. Here’s the original:
Now here’s the update:
And lastly, a new study finds that women find men with cats less datable. While men find women with cats after a couple weeks worth of newspapers pile up outside their door.
Keep Your Moods Up By Watching This,
Jon