There’s apparently a new documentary where Pope Francis refers to Scotch whisky as the “real holy water.”
Then his AA group said, “Guess we know who ‘Pope F.’ is.”
People grew concerned at communion when he kept saying, “One sip for you, two sips for me!”
But the first sign of trouble was when he came to mass wearing a chalice helmet.
It got even stranger when everyone at St. Peter’s was treated to Papa John’s.
People knew he’d had enough when he asked them to join in the responsorial psalm, “Don’t Stop Believin’.”
It was especially troubling when he told people to say two Hail Marys and return with five Bloody Marys.
It only got worse when he went into the confessional and said, “Time to turn wine back into water!”
Ironically, he woke up the next morning with a tattoo of Calvin peeing on Judas.
Even crazier: he rose after four days.
I can’t say what program they’ve got Francis on, but there’s one Apostle per step.
The most humiliating part was paying 300 bucks to get the Popemobile out of a tow yard.
But I guess that explains that new Bible verse: David vs. Saying The Alphabet Backwards.
Keep Yourselves Up,
Jon
