How you doing? New York City - I love and miss you so much. Well before any of this. You’re home for me. So glad I got to see some of you a few weeks ago. As always, if you wanna talk, reach out. Let’s do it. (YOU talk about YOUR stuff, though, okay?)
Today, Pope Francis said Mass from an empty St. Peter’s Basilica. And even though it was on the internet, I still pretended to tie my shoe during the second collection.
In the meantime, people keep recommending podcasts to listen to. Which are absolutely perfect for when the gym’s closed and we can’t drive anywhere.
Because barbershops are closed, I might have to start giving myself haircuts. Or as friends put it, “What do you mean start? (You actually ask for the ‘Bert from Sesame Street’?)”
Today, President Trump held another press briefing – for people “who need to laugh.” (Don’t worry – as soon as he takes the stage, everyone is entitled to a refund or tickets to another press briefing.)
Trump made light of experts’ suggestion to wear masks, and said he doesn’t plan to wear anything on his head. And right at that moment, his hair chased after an ambulance.
Yesterday, Trump held a conference call with the heads of every major professional sports league. It got off to a rough start when he said, “You go first, Mr. Met.”
Trump still expects the NFL Season to start on September 10th. While analysts still expect the Browns’ season to end on September 10th.
But Patriots’ owner Robert Kraft is being praised for sending the team’s plane to retrieve medical supplies for New York City. It marks the first time in years New Yorkers saw a Jet deliver. (NOTE: I had to. That’s me taking my temperature.)
The NBA is working on a televised, virtual H-O-R-S-E competition where current players compete with legends. So you could see Steph Curry play from his home basketball court, while Charles Barkley plays from his home food court.
Actually, experts are urging people to be cautious at grocery and convenience stores. They said to be on the lookout for discoloration and profuse sweating – then 7-Eleven said, “So, our hot dogs?”
But Joe Biden said he intends to keep campaigning, and will wear a mask. While his aides said, “It doesn’t have to be of Spider-Man.” (“Okay fine – get me Mr. Met!”)
And a tiger at the Bronx Zoo tested positive for COVID-19. But don’t worry - the tiger plans to self-quarantine, and use its time off to go on Netflix and watch “Person King.”
American Airlines is facing criticism for cramming a flight’s only 11 passengers into the last three rows. Then Southwest said, “Psh – let us know when you jam ‘em into three seats.”
And as alluded to, Louis CK released a new comedy special for people “who need to laugh.” Even Caroline Kennedy said, “Think I’ll give that new Bob Dylan song a whirl…”
Keep Yourselves Up,
Jon
