Sooooo…Happy First Day of Spring??
It seems like every day, the news is getting darker and darker. So I was very happy this morning to wake up to this…
In China, some farmers in isolation looked out their back door to see some elephants broke into their crops and got drunk on corn whiskey. This is real – and this is an actual picture of two of them sleeping it off:
When the elephants woke up, they rubbed their heads, looked around, and said, “Huh - guess we can forget stuff.”
Yep, a herd of elephants suffering from intoxication. Or as Trump’s calling it, “Elephant Flu.” “THEY’RE the ones getting and spreading it! That’s what I’m hearing!”
And when Don Jr. saw two unconscious elephants, he posed for a picture beside them.
And when Don Jr. got arrested, Mike Love’s “Beach Boys” played a benefit concert to bail him out.
And when John Stamos couldn’t get a flight there, Lori Loughlin got him a fake pilot’s license.
And when Lori Loughlin got arrested, Harvey Weinstein turned his bunk beds into a double.
And when Weinstein turned his bunk beds into a double, Bill Cosby sued for copyright infringement.
And when he heard Cosby was suing, Michael Avenatti said, “Need a lawyer??”
And when Avenatti asked if he needs a lawyer, Stormy Daniels said, “A real lawyer – not you.”
And when he heard Stormy, Trump said, “How about a shag-n-shark? I just tested negative for Elephant Flu!”
And when they heard all that, the elephants said, “Looks like we picked the wrong week to start drinking whiskey…”
And when he heard that, Arnold Schwarzenegger said, “COME OVAH AND PLAY WITH MY PONY, WHISKEY!!”
Keep Yourselves Up,
Jon