In the meantime…
Tough day for Trump. How do you throw staffers under a bus that never comes?
At a rally in Nebraska, hundreds of Trump supporters were stranded in freezing temperatures, and some were hospitalized with hypothermia. But Trump says they’ll be fine if they inject themselves with lava.
Apparently, there weren’t enough buses to transport everyone back to a parking area. It was a terrible for night for everyone – even worse for the couple that found Steve Bannon sleeping in their car.
Trump left them in a frozen field in Nebraska. Eric Trump said, “Did he blindfold them, too?”
Today, Trump mocked pandemic restrictions, and said if you vote for Joe Biden, there won’t be any weddings or Christmas. “Can I vote for him TWICE??” said Melania Trump.
It turns out the anonymous author of a scathing op-ed about President Trump was advisor Miles Taylor. Said Trump, “Never heard of either of them!”
To show you how obscure he is – “Miles Taylor” is the made-up pseudonym other Trump advisors use when they write their scathing op-eds. “You mean he’s a real guy??”
Yep, Miles Taylor wrote the New York Times op-ed. They’d give him a code name like “Deep Throat,” but that would be tricky since this Watergate involves actual porn stars.
Beto O’Rourke did an interview offering Biden advice on how to win in Texas. I didn’t see it, because I was reading Michael Jordan’s advice to the Dodgers on how to play baseball.
Congratulations to the Los Angeles Dodgers, who won the World Series last night. The Dodgers urged fans to celebrate responsibly…
And fans said, “You first.”
Dodgers star Justin Turner was pulled from the game last night when he tested positive for COVID-19. Ironically, that’s just the 19th-worst thing a baseball player can test positive for.
Turner returned to the field without a mask to celebrate with his teammates – exposing them to his germs. Turner was like, “S’all good – my beard mites got ‘em.”
A controversial decision by Rays manager Kevin Cash was a deciding factor. If he gets fired, he should go to the Red Sox - since they’re all about saving Cash.
There wasn’t a ton of offense in the game, so the bases weren’t loaded…but I think Commissioner Rob Manfred might’ve been!
Looks like somebody missed the cutoff man!
Even Ty Cobb was like “Damn, that’s a lot of slurs!”
Is the National League gonna add a Designated Driver?
It’s the first time the commissioner’s been sent to Double-A.
Did somebody slip him a Mookie?
But don’t worry - they finally got him an Uber…
And lastly, Costco is pulling all products made with “forced monkey labor.” Which was also the name of my improve troupe in college.
Yep, Costco is pulling items made using “forced monkey labor.” Or as husbands call that, “Going to Costco.”
Know what DOESN’T require a trip to Costco? Ordering an actual, physical copy of Anti-Social Skills. We only have a couple weeks left and are OH SO CLOSE to our goal, have some really fun stuff planned through the winter to keep you company, and right when we’re allowed to resume partying, you can own the funniest party game of 2020; it is, after all, The Year of the A.S.S.
And stay tuned for a special announcement about another LIVE Anti-Social Skills THIS SUNDAY!…and a few other things coming up soon…😎
Keep Yourselves Up,
Jon