A little Trivia: in “Alcohol” they’re actually chanting “VOTE! VOTE! VOTE! VOTE!”
Today, the Boston Herald endorsed President Trump. People in Boston couldn’t believe it – they said, “The Herald’s still around?”
Trump pulled all advertising in Florida due to low campaign funds. People in Florida knew Trump was broke when he snuck a picture of his Splash Mountain reaction screen instead of buying an actual photo.
Lesley Stahl is facing death threats from Trump supporters over their “60 Minutes” interview. I miss the old days when there was only one death threat facing “60 Minutes” anchors: time.
NOTE: Andy Rooney is 35 in this picture.
During a speech in Georgia, Joe Biden quoted Franklin D. Roosevelt. But don’t worry – after he wins, he’ll go back to misquoting “Police Academy.” “So then the sound effects guy – he starts to pretend he’s a helicopter! Or was it a jet ski? Either way folks, see all seven and read my fan fic!”
The NBA is set to return in December, giving the U.S. something it desperately needs: likable courts.
Amy Comey Barrett was officially sworn in as a Supreme Court Justice. It was Mitch McConnell’s proudest moment since he lapped up that fly from Mike Pence’s head.
Many are concerned the Conservative power in the Supreme Court could overturn Roe v. Wade. Incidentally, “row v. wade” is Trump’s emergency relief plan if Puerto Rico has another hurricane.
Reese Witherspoon recently said she’d consider running for office at some point. Not to be outdone, Mike Pence announced plans to star in a movie called “Legally Bland.”
Some scenes from the new “Borat” film that show Borat’s daughter inside the White House were ultimately cut from the film. That’s when you know the White House is over the edge – when even Sacha Baron Cohen’s like, “I just don’t feel right showing this.”
Because of COVID-19, all Halloween events in Salem, Massachusetts were canceled this year. But don’t worry – once there’s a vaccine, you can take your kids where a bunch of old ladies were set on fire for being shy.
Some areas could face Thanksgiving travel bans. Which explains that new song: 🎵Over the river, and through the woods, to grandmother’s house we go; back through the woods, back over the river – do we have any Pizza Pockets in the fridge?🎵
It was just a matter of time before Kim Kardashian weighed in with her pandemic plight:
So there you have it: a Skull Island movie where people are rooting for the dinosaurs.
Kim said she surprised her inner circle by flying them in. While Rob surprised her by also showing up.
We’re mad at Kim today, but in a week, we might be saying, “Any room left on that island?”
But if YOU’RE stuck on a desert island, there’s two ways to pass the time: by Toobin your Jeffrey, or by playing Anti-Social Skills. Special thanks to our friends “The Spooky Doines” for playing our first live game! Happy Halloween, play the game yourself, and stay tuned for another live show announcement!
Keep Yourselves Up,
Jon