Weird day, right? I was like, “Man – what have we come to when we’re refreshing a webpage waiting for numbers to change?” Then, I got back to seeing how ASSkills is doing. (Thursday at 9 a.m. is the deadline!!)
You know who else I keep thinking about? Casting agencies. Not only do they have all those out-of-work mall Santas – now they’ve got dozens of Melanias looking for jobs.
But it will be an interesting holiday season – notably, the first Thanksgiving where the White House turkey is asked to pardon a lame duck.
Tonight, Joe Biden addressed Americans, preaching patience and optimism. Bittersweet night for Biden; he gets his first primetime address, but has to miss “Friday Night SmackDown.” “Can you believe they gave up Bray Wyatt AND The Fiend? Come on man, they’re your top two guys! THAT’S Malarkey!”
The magic number for Biden to win as of now is six points. Also known as “One greeting from Joe Biden.”
I don’t know about you, but I’m just excited to have a president who will quit golf once he hits a ball through the clown’s mouth.
One of the deciding factors was Biden winning the state of Pennsylvania, with Philadelphia sealing Trump’s fate. And you thought YOUR family Thanksgiving would be awkward…
Trump’s threatened legal action, but the Lieutenant Governor of Pennsylvania said, “The president can sue a ham sandwich.” Then the former Governor of New Jersey said, “That ham sandwich need a lawyer??”
It’s rumored Trump may actually barricade himself inside the Oval Office and refuse to leave. Or in other words, the day Trump finally stops being president is also the day he finally starts being president. “See, if you’d just done this to begin with, sir - ah, screw it. Someone grab his cankles…”
It’s ironic everyone kept referring to Biden as “Uncle Joe,” because I gotta say, it’s Trump that’s giving off the uncle vibes…
The Biden campaign didn’t waste any time responding, saying this:
And again, if that happens? Sad. But if you add the Benny Hill song? Amazing.
But it also came out that Trump’s advisors are starting to back away quietly. Except for Chris Christie, who makes a beeping sound to alert pedestrians.
But Alex Cora got his job back, and will manage the Red Sox after he was busted in a sign-stealing scandal. I guess Americans said, “Eh, big deal – we’ve been stealing signs off our neighbors’ lawns for months.”
Yep, a Democratic win and Alex Cora back with the Sox. People in Boston haven’t been this happy since they saw an old lady slip and fall on some ice.
And lastly, a bike path from New York City to Canada should be finished by the end of the year. Then people checked the polls and said, “No longer necessary.”
I tell you what IS necessary. Anti-Social Skills! And we got featured again! Thank you to MMO Bomb!!!
And are you one of those Thanksgiving orphans, stuck by yourself because of lockdown? Well, you don’t have to be. Because today, we announced a NEW tier where our comics will play with you and your family over Zoom on Thanksgiving – with me hosting! And it’s all Thanksgiving-themed! Clock is ticking, we’ve all worked so hard…throw us a wishbone SEE WHAT I DID THERE????? 😎
Keep Yourselves Up, Get some A.S.S.,
Jon