You know it’s a rough night when the best matchup on TV is the Giants vs. the Eagles.
Tonight, ABC aired the debate between Donald Trump and Joe Biden. While NBC countered with O.J. Simpson vs. Hologram Manson. (But Savannah did great.)
Of course, this was the first debate since President Trump tested positive for COVID-19. Some were curious about how Trump would look on camera, but I thought he looked totally normal…
This time around, candidates’ mics were muted when it wasn’t their turn to speak. But it doesn’t matter because right after, Trump’s microphone wrote a tell-all.
Luckily, no insects landed on anyone’s head this time. Which means the only big fly scandal this week involved Giuliani.
But people online went crazy when Biden used the word “Malarkey.” While Trump said, “How dare you mention my wife??” (Malarkey – tell Bourbon it’s after his bedtime.)
After Trump boasted about his meeting with Kim Jong Un, Joe Biden said we had a great relationship with Hitler until he invaded Europe. Marking the first time Hitler said, “Please leave me out of this.”
Biden said thanks to Trump, we’re headed for a “dark winter” where everyone will stay inside. Or as that’s also known: “winter.” “And then in December, we’ll have trees inside our houses!”
Incidentally, “Dark Winter” was also the setting on Trump’s tanning bed.
During a heated exchange about immigration, Trump claimed that kids were being brought over the border by coyotes – which is a slang term for smuggler. But Trump said they’re being cared for by his detainee counselors – which is a slang term for coyotes.
Trump said he wishes he could ride out the pandemic in the White House basement. Then Eric said, “Welp – better pack up my stuff before the coyotes get here…”
Trump also accused Biden of spending all his time in his basement. Of course Biden left when he and Obama couldn’t agree who was Wayne and who was Garth. “Uhhh…look. We need to uhh…party on.”
One of the strangest exchanges came when Trump bragged about always being a champion for Black people. At which point, even my dog kept saying, “Uhhh – Central Park Five???”
Trump also said he was the least racist person in the room. And with the exception of Biden and Kristen Welker, he had a point:
That looks like two dads who didn’t get the memo the party was dress-up for kids only.
That looks like two guys who were laid off by the Village People.
That looks like if Uncle Sam and Abe Lincoln moved to a loft in Brooklyn.
But to keep things fair, Biden was allowed to invite some guests too:
“Folks, I wanna tell you a story about my good friend Porkchop…”
And folks, I wanna tell you about something big coming up Sunday night. It is our first EVER *LIVE* Anti-SocialSkills broadcast!!! This Monday at 10 PM EST, we will be partnering with some of our favorites from the world of improv to play a special Halloween-themed game. GO HERE TO WATCH!
And if it looks fun? PLAY THE GAME YOURSELF and CONSIDER HELPING US OUT. This has been a nice small, side project that has turned into a blast and we goin’ for it!
Again: MONDAY AT 10 P.M. LIVE!
Keep Yourselves Up,
Jon