Well on the bright side: Rudy Giuliani is finally gonna wear a mask in public.
That looks like if The Penguin made a Beastie Boys video.
Rudy Giuliani was caught on camera seducing a woman in the upcoming “Borat” sequel. I wondered how Rudy could look himself in the mirror; then I remembered he can’t actually see his reflection.
Yep, Rudy Giuliani came onto an actress who was just playing Borat’s daughter. Fans were like, “Wait, she’s not Borat’s daughter??” While Giuliani said, “Wait, she’s not my cousin??”
Giuliani claims he wasn’t doing anything inappropriate, and was just “tucking in his shirt.” Man, who’d have thought Carlson would be just our second most dishonest Tucker. 😎
Yep, Giuliani says it meant nothing, and the woman is nothing but a tuck buddy. #ButFolks
Yeah, Giuliani said he was just “tucking in his shirt.” Then Jeffrey Toobin said, “🤦 Tucking in my shirt! Of course!”
It turns out President Trump has been hiding money in China, Ireland and Britain. Even weirder – it was just inside “It’s a Small World.” “Stop the boat! Need to make a withdrawal for an autograph book!”
Yep, Trump’s tax returns show years of substantial losses. When asked if he’d declare any major losses this year, he said, “Just the election.”
A new poll says Joe Biden is up by 12 points among Catholics. And I feel good about that – because when’s the last time a notable Catholic was betrayed by 12?
Actually today, Pope Francis said The Church should be accepting of same-sex unions. Some Catholics are so mad, they’re not sure if they’ll keep worshiping an unmarried guy in his 30s who liked to make dinner for his dozen male friends.
Quibi officially went out of business today. I was so depressed, I could barely finish my Dippin’ Dots.
People in Church Hill, Tennessee say a small, pet monkey has been violently attacking them. Police didn’t take it too seriously – until they went inside and discovered The Skeleton in the Big Yellow Hat.
Due to the pandemic, the Super Bowl could be delayed as late as four weeks. While the Budweiser ad where a horse Zooms with a puppy will make me cry for five weeks.
But if you want to laugh til you cry on Zoom #Segue might I recommend Anti-Social Skills – now playable for free. This is an actual game I created with a couple Emerson pals, co-written by Myq Kaplan, Jenny Zigrino, Abbi Crutchfield, John Roy, Jason Marcus and the man they call Just Some Guy. And in the summer, we all got together to play. Roll that beautiful ASSkills footage…
If you had a good time, would like to buy a physical copy of the game, or support our small business, please head here and see all we’ve got to offer.
Keep Yourselves Up, and Go Kill Some Ass,
Jon