Man - when I heard the Celtics were in the Finals, the number one movie was “Top Gun,” and “California Dreamin’” by The Beach Boys was charting, I almost spilled my Diet Tab.
Tonight, the January 6th Committee addressed the nation on its findings, and shared evidence that President Trump “deserved” to be hanged. Pence hasn’t gasped this loud since he heard what “WAP” stood for. “That’s no way to treat a cat, Mother!”
The Committee held their first public hearing tonight. And at the next one, they’ll try to explain how Britney Spears’ ex-husband crashed her wedding.
On her wedding day, Britney Spears’ ex-husband Jason Alexander burst into her home. And what says “2022” like a guy with the same name as George acting like Kramer?
Fortunately for Britney the man didn’t make it very far before he was tackled by the caterer – Kevin Federline.
I read that some airlines are loosening the rules for flight attendents’ appearance. This means flight attendants can wear nose studs, sneakers and – thanks to passengers – boxing gloves.
Flight attendants are also allowed to display tattoos. Though it’s disturbing most are just to keep track of how many knees they’ve rammed with the beverage cart.
Yep, flight attendants can now wear more casual clothes. But Spirit Airlines is going the other way, and asking pilots to start wearing shirts.
We’re now dealing with a potential monkeypox epidemic, and doctors are stumped. Doctors said, “Unless the monkeys are jumping on beds, we got nothin’.”
Experts are still trying to figure out who brought monkeypox into the U.S. While one guy said, “Might you have a hat that isn’t quite as big and yellow?” (What? That’s what happens when you and your roommate share an accordion.)
Researchers in Georgia were said to be shocked when a gene-editing experiment caused hamsters to be “hyper aggressive bullies.” So now whenever someone says something nasty to me on Twitter, I say, “Probably just a bot or a hamster.”
But I think I’ve got the solution. If gas prices are higher than ever and hamsters are more aggressive than ever, why don’t replace our tires with hamster wheels? “I know I was doing 80 in a 50, officer, but these guys are really angry!”
And lastly, the Golden State Warriors lost to the Celtics last night, and they were upset that the crowd was using foul language. Yep, 18,000 cursing Bostonians – or as that’s also known, “Thanksgiving at the Wahlbergs.”