People across the Northeast had to shelter in place due to Hurricane Henri. Or as Republicans put it, “Great - now the FRENCH are making us look weak!”
Because of the storm, last night's concert in Central Park to celebrate the end of COVID was stopped midway through. But the remaining acts will perform at a charity concert for everyone who got COVID at last night's concert.
A concert to celebrate the end of COVID - held during a COVID spike - was canceled by an outgoing mayor and resigning Governor due to a hurricane. Then the Cloverfield monster said, “You know, Imma come back another time…you got kind of a lot going on…”
Yep, the concert in Central Park was officially canceled. However, it will stay on as Executive Producer.
Man, what a week for Mike Richards - you go from hosting "Jeopardy" to being a question on "Jeopardy." "Ooooohhh - we were looking for 'What WAS Mike Richards.'"
The Taliban has ordered all women off television in Afghanistan. If the Taliban's not careful, they could be placed in charge of late night TV in America.
There was a scare at Fox News when host Greg Gutfeld was sent a suspicious white substance. But false alarm - turns out it was just some paper with jokes on it.
Fox News was pushing a theory that pet dewormer could protect you from COVID. When asked if he tried that, Brian Kilmeade was drinking out of a toilet after chasing a firetruck.
Despite COVID spiking, Southwest, American and Delta will not require their employees to get vaccinated. While Spirit will send the pilot to your seat to sneeze into your mouth.
The Offspring's drummer was fired because he wouldn't get vaccinated. Why didn't they just tell him he was getting a tattoo now, just getting ink done? Doesn't he know with the unvaccinated, you gotta keep 'em separated? I guess the band said, "Na-na, why don't you get a jab?" 😎😎😎
And there's a new dating app that allows people who aren't vaccinated to sign up. It's kind of like Tinder or Bumble, except it's EXACTLY like Tinder or Bumble.
At a zoo in England, an orangutan kissed a pregnant woman's stomach. The woman thought it was cute, while her husband said, "Something you wanna tell me, Sheryl??"
It was a crazy weekend in wrestling. You had CM Punk debut in AEW, Brock Lesnar return to WWE, and Larry David take on Alan Dershowitz at the grocery store. “Welcome…to WrinkleMania!!!”
Yep, Larry David and Alan Dershowitz got into a shouting match at a grocery store on Martha's Vineyard over Dershowitz defending Trump. Details are sketchy, but I'm pretty sure I know how things went down:
On his way in, Larry collided with someone else’s carriage because he was going the wrong way down a COVID protocol aisle.
The fight started with Dershowitz using his wetted fingers to open produce bags and Larry having 11 items in the 10 item line.
The fight ended with Larry yelling, “And I’ll tell you something else - we all know your little football friend is guilty!” and Dershowitz saying “At least that finale was entertaining!” followed by mutual shoving, broken up by Ted Danson.
Within the hour, someone had coined the term “Dershbag.”
The next day, Larry had a fender bender with...the very same person who was pushing their carriage in the store.
The only rental car left on the island: a white Ford Bronco.
🎵Bum bum bum...🎵
Happy Birthday to the great David Marks!