I Have Opinions…
Facebook Memories say a year ago this week, President Trump said: “I support the Great Lakes. Always have. They’re beautiful. They’re big. Very deep. Record deepness, right?” Anyway, that’s our leader during a deadly pandemic – the “deepness of lakes” guy.
Trump supporters are still wearing “Make America Great Again” hats. Everyone else is still mad at “Make America Great Again” hats. But if you like Trump, wouldn’t you reject the idea of Making America Great Again? You'd think it is. And if you don’t like Trump, wouldn’t you want to Make America Great Again? Everyone’s wearing the wrong hat! – and we realize this just as it’s unhealthy to make a hat swap. 🎵(Talkin’ ‘bout a “Hat Swap”)🎵
To those with school-aged children, hats way off. But let me say that if my lovely daughter were ten years older (and my lovely arthritic, autoimmune disease 22 years younger), my 11-week unit on Watergate would be in the very fullest of swings. “This,” I'd say, “is what fun is all about.” Relax, we’d take breaks. Instead of recess? Guidance on her 10-page paper about the Max Headroom Signal Intrusion Incident. "Who do we think it was? Who do we know it wasn't? Michael Jordan was King in Chicago back then – he could've gotten away with murder. And we THOUGHT Siskel & Ebert hated each other, but what if they decided to make a movie of their own? What was Oprah up to that night? I’ll throw THIS into the air for contemplation: was Mark Felt working double duty? Speaking of which… *checks watch*… G. Gordon Liddy isn't JUST an infomercial pitchman on Fox News..."
Speaking of G-Liddy, interesting to see Kim Kardashian’s documentary on prison reform. I wonder if there’s any notable felony, punishable by two to five years in prison, which piqued her interest…
By the way: if you ever write about things that happened in your life, it’s crazy how many eerie patterns and coincidences you'll discover. Stephen King, 11/22/63 shit. Life really does read like it's scripted. What I'm saying is, if I work in TV again and win an Emmy, I'm gonna be giving a really weird acceptance speech (where I also say we shouldn't eat pigs). #TurkeyBacon
“Bad, Bad Leroy Brown.” “You Don’t Mess Around With Jim.” I bet after he killed off Jim Croce, God was like, “I’m gonna get my ass kicked, aren’t I?”
The NBA’s idea to play a stripped-down playoff tournament in Las Vegas sans fans is absurd, embarrassing, and makes you wonder, “Where’d all that money go? ”You know, from the huge TV contract that ruined the league for four years? I said a week ago how I’d fix it (Here’s an additional idea: have teams 8-11 in each Conference battle for the final seed while retaining their weighted Draft Lottery slots). But now, based on the fact that players won’t be getting paid and the league is talking about hosting games in ballrooms, you wonder if all 30 teams will even stay in business. I love Charles Barkley, and his stance that there are too many bad teams is dead on. The idea of contraction, however, is not. When you add up coaches, scouts, trainers, video coordinators, training staffs, broadcasters, beat reporters, arena workers and nearby bars and restaurants, that’s thousands of people out of work. That’s not good business. That, my friends, is turrible.
Speaking of which – I guess this is WrestleMania week? (Do you think they’re calling it COVID-19, COVID XIX, OR COVID-X9?) I liked the rumor of moving it to June at Madison Square Garden – creating a watershed event that would lift New York City and fans around the globe. But I guess we’re in for pre-taped matches without fans. It’s a shame when you look at the card (Drew McIntyre vs. Brock Lesnar, John Cena vs. The Fiend, The Undertaker vs. AJ Styles, Roman Reigns vs. Goldberg). Those deserved to play out in front of thousands. Regardless, my Five Favorite WrestleMania Moments:
5. Hulk Slams Andre, WrestleMania III
The very first footage of wrestling I ever viewed, and the most iconic clip in WWE history. And it has special personal significance, as Dad flew Andre multiple times during the 80s and called him the nicest celebrity he encountered on the job. Andre would bellow, “How we lookin’ tonight, Boss?” into the cockpit, and drinks for passengers were on him. The crews loved him. Hulk Hogan, meanwhile, was notorious for another incident: one of the flight attendants finding the script for his match with Andre beneath his seat while cleaning the plane. I just picture Hulk getting to the Silverdome and saying, “Ohhh brother, brother!”
4. The Dead Man Returns, WrestleMania XX
This was the return of all returns. Someone in his element– in his iconic iteration. I can’t believe we went four years with The Undertaker rebranded as “The American Badass.” And I don’t especially love the fact that he is again The American Badass, especially after Kid Rock’s Virus Rave. Though I have to admit, I actually said out loud, “Why are they having him go back to that instead of the Undertak—never mind.”
3. Two Doinks, WrestleMania IX
The single-greatest swerve in wrestling history. Save your Hulk Hogan nWo turn – nobody saw this coming. The match itself is great storytelling, with Matt Bourne repeatedly going under the ring – ostensibly to retrieve a weapon when, in fact, he was reaching for ANOTHER CLOWN. Long before doppelgangers were “in,” Vince and Bruce surprised us all. Two mysterious, identical-looking characters in the 90s. My – what a premise…
2. Macho Man & Miss Elizabeth Reunite, WrestleMania VII
…Yeah. Just gonna let that one sit for now…
1. The Warrior Returns
Little Rineman was not a fan of Papa Shango. So not a fan, he had to go to a psychologist to talk about his insomnia. At the same time, he and his friends had spent months wondering what happened to The Ultimate Warrior. There were the rumors he’d died. That he’d gone to Japan. One kid at school even said he’d become a chiropractor (which he described as “someone who does your taxes for you”). So when Shango did his (botched) run-in on the Hulkster, Little Rineman’s parents were regretted their decision to shell out $29.99 for the show. But when that familiar rock music started up, everything changed. I’ll never forget the iconic shot of the Warrior rounding the curve in the entrance aisle. Not only was this my favorite Mania Memory; as the Boston sports teams of the 90s stink, stank, stunk, this may be my favorite childhood sports memory, period. And one of my best memories as an adult was getting to share this with the Warrior’s wonderful family.
BTW: Keep an eye on AEW. Good swerves and storytelling. Just one scroll-stopper away…
If you feel down, don’t compound it by being ashamed of it. To all of us, by the minute, it feels like everything is getting worse. But something I’ve found is that feeling down can lead to good writing. Because your energy is low, your inhibitions are minimized. You’re honest, and it all comes pouring out. If you can, get to work on something. #WriteOn
Keep Yourselves Up! Dig it??
Jon
