I hope everyone is having a nice October. I spent the last night watching “Halloween” – that other movie where a doctor tries to warn everyone about a dangerous lunatic:
During a call with campaign staffers, President Trump called Dr. Fauci a “disaster.” Which explains why Trump spent today tossing paper towels at Dr. Fauci.
Twitter removed a tweet from Trump coronavirus advisor Scott Atlas that undermined the importance of wearing face coverings. Incidentally, “Scott Atlas” is also what Trump calls the host of “Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego.” “I met him through that other game show host, Pat Letters.”
So far, COVID-19 is responsible for 220 thousand deaths in the U.S. and over a million worldwide. And health experts warn that if we don’t act quickly, it could get its own Town Hall on NBC.
And after being hospitalized with the virus, Chris Christie said he was “so wrong” about downplaying the need to wear masks. Hey, leave it to Chris Christie to waffle. 😎
Followers of Q-Anon promoted a theory that John F. Kennedy Jr. – who famously died in 1999 – will replace Mike Pence as Trump’s running mate. When asked if a lifeless zombie could save his campaign, Trump said, “No! That’s why I’m replacing him with JFK Jr!”
Despite the rumors, JFK Jr. did not reemerge on Saturday to become Trump’s running mate. Which explains his new slogan:
Meanwhile, Rudy Giuliani says there’s a “50/50” chance he worked with a Russian spy. Even worse – there’s also a 50/50 chance that Russian spy gets reelected president.
The Beach Boys’ Mike Love announced that his touring version of the group will headline a fundraiser for Trump. But to be fair, that version of “The Beach Boys” is just Love and six holograms doing this…
And Georgia lawmaker and Trump supporter Vernon Jones actually crowd-surfed at a rally over the weekend. Man – big couple of days for idiots who like to surf.
Over the weekend, the Red Sox’s Fenway Park served as an official voting site in Boston. So congratulations in advance to President You Suck For Trading Mookie.
But fans seemed excited to vote – ESPECIALLY THIS WOMAN.
Fitting she got her Dunkies, since our choices are Joe Biden and a Pumpkin Spice Latte.
Meanwhile, the Dodgers advanced to the World Series, meaning it will be Los Angeles vs. Tampa Bay. Tough call whom to root for – the city that’s endured earthquakes, fires and stay-at-homes; or…the spring breakers who gave everyone COVID and Hulk Hogan.
Sacha Baron Cohen says the new “Borat” sequel is more serious than original. But if you want something lighter, check out his new character: Jim Carrey doing Joe Biden.
And lastly, after the New Yorker suspended reporter Jeffrey Toobin for accidentally exposing himself on a video call, “Zoom Dick” was trending on Twitter. “Zoom Dick” sounds like an off-brand Viagra you buy at Spencer’s Gifts.
“The Larry King Podcast! Presented by…Zoom Dick!”
Hey, at least it wasn’t a Skype Scrote.
But you know how he could spend his suspension because of that Zoom Dick?? Playing ASSKILLS.
Like many in 2020…Plans Changed, Pal. But luckily, it gave me the time to work with my one time (and possibly future) Best Man Sam Liberty on Anti-Social Skills, an adult card game FOR humanity. Best of all, the game was written completely by some of the land’s best comics, including Myq Kaplan, Jenny Zigrino, Jason Marcus, Abbi Crutchfield, John Roy and…Just Some Guy. We just launched last week and are on our way to meeting our goal as a small business on Kickstarter – which would mean next year, you could have, in your home, a game to play during your first post-COVID party RIGHT when you realize you have nothing to say to each other.
Best of all, the game is also playable over Zoom – so get some friends together, head on over to the FREE version of the game on our site, and when you have fun, buy yourself the real deal.
Keep Yourselves Up, and Go Kill Some Ass,
Jon