This Day in History: April 7

On this day in 1954, Jackie Chan was born. When the doctor slapped his bottom, the baby countered with a vertical punch and roundhouse kick.

On this day in 1943, the National Football League made helmets madatory. Or as they told traditionalists, “Don’t worry, they’re not effective.”

On this day in 1933, prohibition in the U.S. is repealed for most beer. In response, NFL fans made beer helmets mandatory.

On this day in 1976, Parliament’s John Stonehouse resigned after he was arrested for faking his own death. Said Stonehouse, “I knew I shouldn’t have gone to my wake.”

On this day in 1927, the first long distance public television broadcast took place between Washington D.C. and New York, displaying Commerce Secretary Herbert Hoover. Said Hoover, “So that’s what that camera was doing in my shower.”

Enjoy the present. And remember…The Garden’s Always Greener.

This Day in History: April 6

On this day in 1930, the first Twinkie was made. And on this day in 1987, it was digested.

On this day in 1924, the first successful around-the-world flight began. It took 175 days – to which Southwest said, “That fast?”

On this day in 1947, the first Tony Awards were held. They weren’t shown on TV, yet still had the same ratings as last year’s Tonys.

On this day in 1973, baseball’s American League began using the designated hitter. And on this day in 1974, ABBA won the Eurovision Song Contest. And not one person who knew one of those things knew the other.

On this day in 1969, actor Paul Rudd was born. Which means today, he turned…35 again, somehow.

Enjoy the present. And remember…The Garden’s Always Greener.

This Day in History: April 5

On this day in 1614, Pocahontas married English tobacco planter John Rolfe. Or as the tabloids called them, “PocaJohntas.”

On this day in 1792, President Washington exercised his first presidential veto. Can you imagine – our president exercising??

On this day in 1859, Charles Darwin submitted the beginning of his book “On the Origin of Species.” Or as it was originally known, “You and Me Baby Ain’t Nothin’ But Mammals.”

On this day in 1621, the Mayflower set sail back to England from Massachusetts. Which explains why it was littered with Dunkin cups and scratch-off tickets.

On this day in 1984, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar broke Wilt Chamberlain’s record for most points scored. While Tiger Woods would break his other record.

Enjoy the present. And remember…The Garden’s Always Greener.

This Day in History: April 4

On this day in 1975, Microsoft was founded. Asked what he’d do if the company fails, Bill Gates said, “Unplug it and plug it back in.”

On this day in 1841, Edgar Allen Poe published what’s believed to be the first detective story. Or did he?

On this day in 1974, Hank Aaron tied Babe Ruth’s record for most home runs. Later broken by Barry Bonds – who tied Mr. Met’s record for biggest head.

On this day in 1963, the film Bye Bye Birdie was released. “Guess I need a new name for my restaurant!” said Col. Sanders.

On this day in 1964, The Beatles held the top five spots on the Billboard chart. The songs: “Can’t Buy Me Love” and…Mambos One through Four.

Enjoy the present. And remember…The Garden’s Always Greener.

This Day in History: April 3

On this day in 1973, a Motorola worker made the first cell phone call. His message: “U up?”

On this day in 1996, The Unabomber was arrested in Montana at his dilapidated shack. Or as it would be called in today’s market: “A two-million-dollar condo.”

On this day in 1860, the first Pony Express mail was sent. Its message: “U up?”

On this day in 2010, the first iPad was released. Also released: babysitters.

On this day in 1934, primatologist Jane Goodall was born. Goodall is famous for communicating with chimpanzees, and discovering that most of the time they’re actually just saying: “U up?”

Enjoy the present. And remember…The Garden’s Always Greener.

Today in History: April 2

On this day in 1513, Ponce de Leon discovered Florida. And the people he met that day are still living in The Villages.

On this day in 1800, Beethoven led the premiere of his first symphony. And the next day, he apologized to fans who got ripped off by Ticketmaster.

On this day in 1792, Congress authorized a U.S. Mint to produce coins. Strange – I thought those came from behind my ear.

On this day in 1902, the first fulltime movie theater opened in the U.S. And before anyone had even entered, the floor was already sticky.

On this day in 1972, Charlie Chaplin returned to the U.S. for the first time since being blacklisted in the Red Scare. Yes, a comedian unfairly canceled by Washington – can you even imagine??

Enjoy the present. And remember…The Garden’s Always Greener.

This Day in History: April 1

On this day in 1985, Nike released the Air Jordan. It sold far better than its competitor – the Bouncepass Stockton.

On this day in 2004, Google launched Gmail. Or as AOL put it: “Good-bye!”

On this day in 1963, ABC debuted General Hospital, while NBC debuted The Doctors. Both of which outperformed CBS’ medical drama: Disgusting Rashes.

On this day in 1970, President Nixon banned cigarette ads on TV and radio. Said Nixon, “Lighters should only be used for candles! And burning incriminating documents.”

On this day in 1976, Apple Computers was founded by Steve Jobs, Steve Wozniak, and Ronald Wayne - the last of whom sold his share just 12 days later. Said Wayne, “At least I still have a recipe for New Coke, plenty of DeLorean stock, and my O.J. Simpson poster.”

Enjoy the present. And remember…The Garden’s Always Greener.

This Day in History: March 31

On this day in 1889, The Eiffel Tower opened. It helped the French engage in their favorite pastime: looking down on people.

On this day in 1943, Christopher Walken was born. His first words: “Goo…GOO……Ga……..GA.”

On this day in 1985, the first WrestleMania was held at Madison Square Garden. Hulk Hogan said, “Let me tell you somethin’, brother!” And Mr. T. said, “You probably shouldn’t be calling people ‘brothers’…”

On this day in 1968, Democrat Lyndon Johnson announced he would not run for reelection, opening the door for a corrupt Republican. Oof – can you imagine?

On this day in 1999, The Matrix premiered in theaters. If you take the red pill, you can learn an unsettling or life-changing truth about human existence; if you take the blue pill, you’ll get a boner.

Enjoy the present. And remember…The Garden’s Always Greener.

This Day in History: March 30

On this day in 1939, Batman made his comic book debut. You could tell he was just starting out, because the “Batmobile” was him going “Vroom, vroom!” while Alfred gave him a piggyback.

On this day in 2003, smoking was banned in all establishments in New York City. If you’re going inside, you must put your cigarette out – or give it to Times Square Elmo.

On this day in 1971, Starbucks opened its first store in Seattle. And the scones baked that day are still for sale in that Starbucks in Seattle.

On this day in 1867, the U.S. purchased Alaska from Russia. (For an election-to-be-named-later.)

On this day in 1950, former Red Sox manager Grady Little was born. Then he told the doctor, “I’d have left me in for just one more inning.”

Enjoy the present. And remember…The Garden’s Always Greener.

This Day in History: March 29

On this day in 1871, Endland’s Royal Albert Hall held its grand opening, featuring a choir conducted by William Carter. With an encore featuring Keith Richards.

On this day in 1867, legendary pitcher Cy Young was born. But how good was he really if he didn’t even win any Cy Youngs?

On this day in 1961, the Twenty-third Amendment to the Constitution was ratified, allowing residents of Washington, D.C. to vote in presidential elections. Which means up until 1961, the president could totally suck, then say “Don’t blame me – I didn’t vote for him!”

On this day in in 1792, Sweden’s King Gustav III died after being shot in the back; and on this day in 1809, King Gustav IV abdicated the throne after a coup d’etat. To which King Gustav V said, “Yeahhhhh…remind me to take a vacation day on March 29th.”

On this day in 1927, a car called Sunbeam 1000hp broke the land speed record. No one will ever forget its driver’s immortal words: “I really had to pee.”

Enjoy the present. And remember…The Garden’s Always Greener.

This Day in History: March 28

On this day in 1979, Three Mile Island suffered its nuclear disaster. After touring the site, the inspector gave it three thumbs down.

On this day in 1930, Constantinople changed its name to Istanbul. Said historians, “This might be giant.”

On this day in 1814, a funeral was held for Dr. Joseph-Ignace Guillotin, the inventor of the guillotine. When the priest told people to bow their heads, they screamed and ran away.

On this day in 1984, the Baltimore Colts moved to Indianapolis in the middle of the night. “This definitely remains the shadiest, middle-of-the-night, Baltimore-related football story!” said Ray Lewis.

On this day in 1986, Lady Gaga was born. Her first words: “Googoo…well…me.”

Enjoy the present. And remember…The Garden’s Always Greener.

Today in History: March 27

On this day in 1865, Lincoln, Sherman, and Grant planned the final stages of the Civil War. Said Lincoln, “Should we keep the plans secret, or telegraph them to a reporter at The Atlantic?”

On this day in 1929, Herbert Hoover had a telephone installed in the Oval Office. Which means that up until 1929, presidents were like, “I’m going to tell Germany this is their final warning!...Anyone got a quarter??”

On this day in 1625, Charles I was named King of England, Scotland, and Ireland, and claimed the title King of France. Oof – that guy must’ve been a nightmare on LinkedIn.

On this day in 1935, the University of Oregon defeated The Ohio State University to win the first men’s March Madness. You could tell it was the 30s, because instead of “That’s awesome, baby!” Dick Vitale said, “That’s the bee’s knees, baby!”

On this day in 1998, the FDA approved Viagra. Its original name: Dick Vitale.

Enjoy the present. And remember…The Garden’s Always Greener.

This Day in History: March 26

On this day in 1948, singer Steven Tyler was born. In the nursery, his crib was the one with 20 scarves tied to it.

On this day in 1934, the United Kingdom driving test was introduced. Some driving test – they still use the wrong side of the road.

On this day in 1920, F. Scott Fitzgerald’s first novel was published. Its title: “Are You There, God? It’s Me, F. Scott.”

On this day in 1953, Dr. Jonas Salk announced the polio vaccine. And on this day in 2025, a guy who drives around with dead bears in his car is debating if we need a polio vaccine.

On this day in 1804, Thomas Jefferson joined the Senate to consume an enormous loaf of bread dubbed “the mammoth loaf,” along with 1,200-pound block of cheese. And you thought it was tough getting stuff passed through Congress before.

Enjoy the present. And remember…The Garden’s Always Greener.

This Day in History: March 25

On this day in 1947, Elton John was born. Months later, he released his first song: “I’m Still Crawling.”

On this day in 1957, U.S. Customs seized copies of Allen Ginsberg’s poem “Howl” on grounds of obscenity. But he was found innocent, thanks to the legal precedent set in U.S. v. Man from Nantucket.

On this day in 2001, Bjork wore her famous swan dress. But the next day, she left it in the dryer too long and it became a dove dress.

On this day in 1995, the world’s first wiki is published – WikiWikiWeb. WikiWikiWeb was a site that could be edited by users – and not a lyric to a Barenaked Ladies song.

On this day in 1959, Chain Island was sold by the state of California to a businessman named Russell Gallaway III. Said Gallaway, “I plan to use it as a retreat for hunting and fishing and oh crap I’m gonna meet King Kong aren’t I?”

Enjoy the present. And remember…The Garden’s Always Greener.

This Day in History: March 24

On this day in 1900, the New York City began building its subway system. Or as rats called it, “urban renewal.”

On this day in 1976, football legend Peyton Manning was born. The doctor was like, “Here comes his head, and…more of his head and…still more head and…okay finally, the eyes…”

On this day in 1765, Great Britain passed the quartering act, requiring colonists to house British soldiers. While colonists demanded at least four stars on TripAdvisor.

On this day in 1874, Harry Houdini was born. And he came all the way out despite wearing handcuffs, chains, and a straight jacket.

On this day in 1989, the Exxon Valdez crashed and spilled 11 million gallons of oil. Or, almost as much as they found at Diddy’s.

Enjoy the present. And remember…The Garden’s Always Greener.

This Day in History: March 23

On this day in 1806, Lewis and Clark wrapped up their expedition and began their trip back to St. Louis. And about halfway home, they realized they’d left their phone chargers at the hotel.

On this day in 2011, Hollywood icon Elizabeth Taylor died. And even though she was dead, she somehow married five more times.

On this day in 1857, Elisha Otis installed the first commercial elevator in a building in New York City. The day also marks the first time one stranger awkwardly nodded at another and said, “Mondays, am I right?”

On this day in 1909, President Theodore Roosevelt left for his post-presidency safari, where he killed or captured 4,000 birds, 2,000 reptiles and amphibians, 500 fish, and 5,000 mammals. Or as that’s also known, one hot dog.

On this day in 1958, Hugh Grant was born. His first words: “Goo…what is it now, ah yes…goo…if you would just humor me for a moment…ga…and uh, what the devil is it, ah yes, there it is…ga.”

Today in 2010, Obamacare went into effect in the United States. Though to Vice-President Biden’s chagrin, it would not cover Flintstone Vitamins.

On this day in 1839, the initials O.K., short for “oll korrect,” were first published in the Boston Morning Post – making “OK” part of the national vernacular. When they heard this, people said, “Aight.”

On this day in 1775, Patrick Henry declared, delivered his speech: “Give me liberty, or give me death!” Followed by: “Give me one reason to stay here, and I’ll turn right back around.”

On this day in 2021, a container ship ran aground and obstructed the Suez Canal. But the blockage subsided, when they filled the canal with coffee and prunes.

On this day in 1801, Tsar Paul I of Russia was struck with a sword, strangled, then trampled to death inside his bedroom. And the next day, the “safe word” was invented.

Enjoy the present. And remember…The Garden’s Always Greener.

This Day in History: March 22

On this day in 1933, President Franklin D. Roosevelt legalized the sale of wine. Which explained that new phrase: Fireside Chat & Chill.

On this day in 1963, The Beatles released their debut album Please Please Me. It featured "I Saw Her Standing There," "Twist and Shout," and of course, "Peanut Butter Jelly Time.”

On this day in 1894, the first Stanley Cup Championship game was played in Canada. The winner: Montreal. The loser: the horse that had to pull the Zamboni.

On this day in 1972, the Supreme Court ruled that unmarried people can possess contraceptives. While married people can possess the best contraceptive: marriage.

On this day in 1931, William Shatner was born. His first words: "Goo. Goo. Ga. Ga."

Enjoy the present. And remember…The Garden’s Always Greener.

This Day in History: March 21

On this day in 1963, Alcatraz officially closed. And this is nice – the prisoners helped them hang the “Spirit Halloween” banner.

On this day in 1958, actor Gary Oldman was born. His name at the time: Gary Youngman.

On this day in 1980, Dallas aired its famous “who shot J.R.” cliffhanger. After which, Robert Blake called his agent to make sure he wasn’t on Dallas.

On this day in 1928, Charles Lindbergh was presented with the Medal of Honor for completing the first solo, trans-Atlantic flight. A medal now awarded to Spirit Airlines pilots who complete any flight.

On this day in 1980, the U.S. pulled out of the summer Olympics – and on this day in 2006, Twitter was founded. So, it’s a big day of victories for Russia.

Enjoy the present. And remember…The Garden’s Alway Greener.

This Day in History: March 20

On this day in 1760, the Great Boston Fire destroyed 349 buildings. Even crazier – they were all Dunkins.

On this day in 1916, Albert Einstein submitted his paper The Foundation of the General Theory of Relativity. And for works cited, he just wrote: “Uh, yeah, I’m Einstein.”

On this day in 1985, Libby Riddles became the first woman to win the Iditarod Trail Sled Dog Race. Or as dogs reported it: “Once again, a human rode along as we won the race.”

On this day in 2010, the Iclandic ice cap Eyjafjallajökull began erupting. But you’d be mad too, if your name looked like a cat walked across the keyboard.

On this day in 1928, Mr. Rogers was born. When the doctor slapped his bottom, the baby said, “We all get frustrated sometimes. Would you like to talk about it?”

Enjoy the present. And remember…The Garden’s Always Greener.

This Day in History: March 19

On this day in 1957, Elvis Presley made his first payment on Graceland. Or as he called it, “One for the money.”

On this day in 1918, daylight saving time was enacted in the U.S. In a statement, government officials said, “This measure is completely necessary because of the…war? Or…farmers? Or…birds? Wait, why are we doing this?”

On this day in 1953, the first Oscars telecast was held on NBC. The show ran just over 90 minutes – or, one Adrien Brody acceptance speech.

On this day in 1931, Nevada legalized gambling. Said Vegas, “Oh…uh…I guess we’ll start doing that just now…”

On this day in 1995, Michael Jordan came out of retirement to rejoin the Chicago Bulls. Said Jordan, “My heart is in Chicago – until there’s a team in Nevada.”

Enjoy the present. And remember…The Garden’s Always Greener.