This Day in History: May 29

On this day in 2003, Bob Hope turned 100 years old. You could tell he was old because he spent the day watching Bob Hope.

On this day in 1942, Bing Crosby recorded “White Christmas.” Even CVS is like, “Isn’t it a little early for Christmas??”

On this day in 1988, President Reagan began his first visit to the Soviet Union. Said Reagan, “I hope to build trust,” while a lamp in the corner said, “Us too.”

On this day in 1975, Mel B. was born. Marking the one time Scary Spice was also Baby Spice.

On this day in 1917, John F. Kennedy was born. Or as he put it: “Ask not what your binky can do for you, but what you can do for your binky!”

Enjoy the present. And remember…The Garden’s Always Greener.

This Day in History: May 28

On this day in 1999, da Vinci’s “The Last Supper” was put back on display after 20 years of restoration. Though historians felt liberties were taken when someone found Waldo.

On this day in 1957, New Yorkers protested when Major League Baseball approved moving the Dodgers and the Giants to California. While on this day in 2025, Boston fans booed when the Red Sox remained in Boston.

On this day in 1937, Volkswagen was founded in Germany – then under rule of the Nazi party. Wow, can you imagine a well-known auto brand being associated with racism, fascism, and dictatorship?

On this day in 1996, three of President Clinton’s former Whitewater business partners were convicted of fraud and sentenced to jail. Meanwhile, Bill was sentenced to time married.

On this day in 1934, the Dione quintuplets were born in Canada. Or as their father put it, “Next time, I’m pullin’ the goalie, eh?”

Enjoy the present. And remember…The Garden’s Always Greener.

This Day in History: May 27

On this day in 1937, the Golden Gate Bridge opened. Which is good, because starting the show with the Tanner Family rowing across the bay isn’t quite the same.

On this day in 1703, St. Petersburg was founded by Peter the Great. Not to be confused with Tampa, which was founded by Tammy the Mediocre.

On this day in 1986, inventor Lonnie Johnson patented the Super Soaker. And to think that before then, you actually had to climb a tree to get your cat down.

On this day in 1941, President Roosevelt declared a national emergency in response to Nazis. Didn’t pardon them, didn’t hang out with them, didn’t hire them, didn’t tell them to “stand by…”

On this day in 1975, Andre 3000 was born – much to the joy of his father, Andre 2999.

Enjoy the present. And remember…The Garden’s Always Greener.

This Day in History: May 26

On this day in 1960, Henry Cabot Lodge accused the Soviet Union of espionage at the U.S. embassy in Moscow. “That’s ridiculous!” said a plant in the corner.

On this day in 1897, Bram Stoker’s Dracula went on sale in London. At the time, Brits referred to the vampire as “terrifying,” while now, they call him “a less-scary Russell Brand.”

On this day in 1907, John Wayne was born. When the doctor slapped his bottom, the baby challenged him to a duel.

On this day in 1998, The Supreme Court ruled that Ellis Island is actually in New Jersey, not New York. Even crazier – it also ruled that the original Famous Ray’s Pizza is actually in Delaware!

On this day in 1967, The Beatles’ Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band was released. It featured the songs “With a Little Help from My Friends,” “A Day in the Life,” and of course, “No Scrubs.”

Enjoy the present. And remember…The Garden’s Always Greener.

This Day in History: May 25

On this day in 1977, Star Wars opened. Said people seeing it on a date: “We don’t exist.”

On this day in 2011, Oprah Winfrey aired her final talk show episode. Then the next day, she changed her LinkedIn to “Looking For Work.”

On this day in 1981, a guy in a Spider-Man costume climbed all 110 stories of the Sears Tower in Chicago. Or as his wife put it, “No more Nyquil for you, mister!”

On this day in 1787, the Constitutional Convention began in Philadelphia. It featured George Washington, Benjamin Franklin, and a bunch of people who are still in Congress today.

On this day in 1935, Babe Ruth hit his final home run. The pitcher: Bartolo Colon.

Enjoy the present. And remember…The Garden’s Always Greener.

This Day in History: May 24

On this day in 1844, Samuel Morse demonstrated the telegraph with the message: “What hath God wrought?” To which God replied, “New graph – who dis?”

On this day in 1941, Bob Dylan was born. People love Bob Dylan’s birthday party – because it’s the one time everyone but Bob Dylan sings.

On this day in 1883, the Brooklyn Bridge opened in New York City. And the very next day, officials had to install signs saying: “No Peeing On Boats.”

On this day in 1938, Tommy Chong was born. At his party, he took a moment to blow out the candles – and an hour to inhale the smoke.

On this day in 1956, the first Eurovision song contest was held. The winner? “Meow Meow Meow Meow, Meow Meow Meow Meow, Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow!”

Enjoy the present. And remember…The Garden’s Always Greener.

This Day in History: May 23

On this day in 1974, Jeopardy host Ken Jennings was born. He was the baby in the nursery crying in the form of a question.

On this day in 1911, the New York Public Library was dedicated. And the very next day, they put up a sign that said "No Peeing on the Books."

On this day in 1933, actress Joan Collins was born. After which she slapped the doctor and threw a glass of juice at the nurse.

On this day in 1934, Bonnie and Clyde were ambushed and killed by police after a string of bank robberies. But the two will go down in history as a couple that actually found a hobby they each enjoyed.

On this day in 1958, The Price is Right host Drew Carey was born - when the doctor told him to "come on down!"

Enjoy the present. And remember…The Garden’s Always Greener.

This Day in History: May 22

On this day in 2004, George W. Bush fell off his bicycle. How crazy is that – the president exercising??

On this day in 1859, Sherlock Holmes author Sir Arthur Conan Doyle was born. Or was he??

On this day in 1958, it was discovered by the British press that Jerry Lee Lewis had married his 13-year-old cousin. At which point, he was named an honorary member of the Royal Family.

On this day in 1906, the Wright Brothers were granted a patent for the airplane, despite skepticism planes can actually fly. And that was just today at Newark Airport.

On this day in 1992, Johnny Carson hosted his final Tonight Show. In his memory: Dwayne Johnson, LeBron James, and Trump’s Harvard ban…Name a Rock, a jock, and a crock.

Enjoy the present. And remember…The Garden’s Always Greener.

This Day in History: May 21

Today in 1961, President John F. Kennedy made it his mission to put a man on the moon. And that man is his brother, Ted.

On this day in 2017, Ringling Bros. and Barnum and Bailey Circus performed its final show. There were a lot of tears – but luckily, each clown had about 27 handkerchiefs.

On this day in 1901, Connecticut became the first state to enact a speed limit law for cars. It called for 12 miles per hour in cities, 15 miles per hour on country roads, and as fast as you can go when you’re passing through New Haven.

On this day in 1932, Amelia Earhart was the first woman to make a solo, nonstop transatlantic flight. And on this day in 2025, she was finally cleared for landing at Newark Airport.

On this day in 1952, Mr. T was born. When they tried to give him his pacifier he said, “I PITY THE DROOL!”

Enjoy the present. And remember…The Garden’s Always Greener.

This Day in History: May 20

On this day in 1506, Christopher Columbus died. Nobody ever goes looking for his grave - they just discover it by mistake.

On this day in 1927, Charles Lindbergh took off across the Atlantic in The Spirit of St. Louis. Even crazier, on this day in 2025, a plane at Newark Airport almost took off.

On this day in 1992, Chicago banned the sale of spray paint to stop graffiti vandalism - and called the paint a "weapon of terror." And if you don't consider paint a weapon of terror, you've clearly never had a toddler.

On this day in 1989, Sunday Silence won the Preakness Stakes by a nose. Which is impressive, as the runner-up was Adrien Brody.

On this day in 1993, 93 million people tuned into the finale of Cheers. If you still wanna see some sad Bostonians drink all day, just drop in on some Celtics fans.

Enjoy the present. And remember…The Garden’s Always Greener.

This Day in History: May 19

On this day in 2018, Prince Harry married Meghan Markle. Harry said, "You've made me so happy," while Meghan said, "I thought you were Ed Sheeran."

On this day in 1962, Marilyn Monroe performed a sexy, breathy rendition of "Happy Birthday" for President Kennedy. "Now what am I gonna sing?!" said J. Edgar Hoover.

On this day in 1499, 13-year-old Catherine of Aragon married 12-year-old Arthur, Prince of Wales. Then they left for their honeymoon: recess.

On this day in 1536, Anne Boleyn was beheaded for treason, adultery, and incest. Or as Rudy Giuliani calls that, "the Triple Crown."

On this day in 1780, smoke, fog and cloud cover caused an unusual darkening of the sky over New England - known as "New England's Dark Day." Not to be confused with New England's Darkest Day: Tom Brady signing with the Buccaneers.

Enjoy the present. And remember…The Garden’s Always Greener.

This Day in History: May 18

On this day in 1631, John Withrop was sworn in as the first Governor of Massachusetts. He took the traditional oath, which goes: “Ya promise to try wicked hahd, dood?”

On this day in 1860, Abraham Lincoln was nominated for the presidency at the Republican National Convention. He then received a surprise endorsement from Bernie Sanders.

On this day in 2004, Randy Johnson was the oldest pitcher in baseball history to throw a perfect game. You could tell he was old, because he was interested in baseball history.

On this day in 1910, Halley’s Comet scraped Earth with its tail. And it didn’t even leave a note.

On this day in 2012, Facebook raised 16 billion dollars in the largest tech IPO in U.S. history. Meanwhile, MySpace announced that it found an onion ring in its french fries.

Enjoy the present. And remember…The Garden’s Always Greener.

This Day in History: May 17

On this day in 1956, Sugar Ray Leonard was born. But you can tell he’s getting old because his new name is Splenda Ray Leonard.

On this day in 1961, Enya was born. You can tell she’s getting up there because she’s listening to Enya.

On this day in 2004, the first legally recognized same-sex marriage was performed in Massachusetts. It sent a message that anyone should be entitled to a lifetime of, “So, what do you want for dinner?” “I dunno, what do you want for dinner?” “I dunno, what do you want for dinner?”

On this day in 1965, the FBI ruled that the song “Louie, Louie” by The Kingsmen was not pornographic – but instead, completely unintelligible. Said the relieved Kingsmen, “Phrrggg larrggg manna wawa!”

On this day in 1873, the pioneer of “stream of consciousness” writing Dorothy Richardson was born, and then in 1957 she died, and 1957 is also the first year the Celtics won the championship, and I wonder if they should trade Jaylen Brown since Jayson Tatum’s gonna be out for so long, and if we wait too long, they’ll be as old as Splenda Ray Leonard, phrrggg larrggg mana wawa.

Enjoy the present. And remember…The Garden’s Always Greener.

This Day in History: May 16

On this day in 1988, Surgeon General C. Everett Coop stated that nicotine is just as addictive as heroin or cocaine. Said officials, “You all right, man?”

On this day in 1991, Queen Elizabeth spoke to Congress in the U.S. Whereas now, the only royalty invited to speak in Washington is the Burger King.

On this day in 1929, the first Oscars were held, with all the awards being handed out in the span of five minutes. Even crazier - they just shot them at people with a “trophy cannon.”

On this day in 1980, Magic Johnson played center for an injured Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, and led the Lakers to a championship. Not only that – he also filled in at copilot for Roger Murdock and helped land a Trans-American Airlines flight.

On this day in 1984, Andy Kaufman died. Or, he’s about to wash off his orange bronzer and rip off his terrible wig and reveal his most absurd character ever.

Enjoy the present. And remember…The Garden’s Always Greener.

This Day in History: May 15

On this day in 1928, Mickey Mouse made his debut in the short Plane Crazy. In the film, Mickey parachutes out of a plane when the only place to land is Newark Airport.

On this day in 1940, Dick and Mac McDonald opened the first McDonald’s restaurant. To show you how long ago that was, Mayor McCheese was still City Councilor McCheese.

On this day in 1602, Cape Cod was spotted – but not visited – by an English navigator. Because even in 1602, people were like, “Get stuck in that traffic?? No thanks!”

On this day in 1905, the city of Las Vegas was founded. Of course, none of the acts from 1905 still perform in Vegas today; they perform in Laughlin.

On this day in 2009, G.E. agreed to handle the cleanup after decades of dumping harmful chemicals into the Hudson River. Said officials, “If you fill the river with chemicals, there won’t be any room for dead mobsters!”

Enjoy the present. And remember…The Garden’s Always Greener.

This Day in History: May 14

On this day in 1998, the Seinfeld finale aired. Not that there’s anything RIGHT with that!

On this day in 1998, Frank Sinatra died. Of disappointment from the Seinfeld finale.

On this day in 1944, Star Wars creator George Lucas was born to parents Dorothy and George – or as he called them, “the prequels.”

On this day in 1804, Lewis and Clark departed St. Louis to explore the Northwest, which took them two-and-a-half years round-trip. It would have been quicker, but they had to go back and get Clark’s phone charger.

On this day in 1952, Talking Heads frontman David Byrne was born. Or as the doctor told him, “YOU MAY FIND YOURSELF LIVING IN A LITTLE CRIB! AND YOU MAY FIND YOURSELF PLAYING IN A DIFFERENT PART OF THE PLAYGROUND! AND YOU MAY FIND YOURSELF BEHIND THE HANDLEBARS OF A CUTE TRICYCLE! AND YOU MAY FIND YOURSELF LIVING IN A BEAUTIFUL TREEHOUSE, WITH A BEAUTIFUL TEDDY BEAR! AND YOU MAY ASK YOURSELF, ‘WELL, HOW DID I GET HERE?’”

Enjoy the present. And remember…The Garden’s Always Greener.

This Day in History: May 12

On this day in 1961, Dennis Rodman was born. And that night, baby Rodman vanished with a group of nurses on a three-day Chuck E. Cheese’s binge.

On this day in 1995, 33-year-old mother Alison Hargreaves conquered Mount Everest without oxygen or help from sherpas. Other moms with young kids were shocked – when she actually came back down.

On this day in 1940, Winston Churchill took office as Great Britain’s Prime Minister, and said, “I have nothing to offer but blood, toil, tears, and sweat.” Which, incidentally, was also the recipe for Tab.

On this day in 1958, Australian Ben Carlin became the first and only person to circumnavigate the world in an amphibeous vehicle, which took him ten years to complete. Said Carlin, “I know this seems like a waste of ten years, but it was actually a HUGE waste of ten years.”

On this day in 1950, Stevie Wonder was born. While opening his presents today, he said, “I already have a sweater this color – er, uh, I mean, never mind!”

Enjoy the present. And remember…The Garden’s Always Greener.

This Day in History: May 12

On this day in 1968, Tony Hawk was born. If you want to get him a gift, he seems to need a car.

On this day in 1896, New York passed the first anti-spitting law. Said New Yorkers, “Fine, we’ll just pee on things.”

On this day in 1965, The Rolling Stones recorded “Satisfaction” after it came to Mick Jagger in his sleep. Whereas Keith Richards comes to you in your sleep because he’s a vampire.

On this day in 1963, Bob Dylan walked out of The Ed Sullivan Show after censors rejected the song he planned on performing. Said Dylan, “I’ll go somewhere where they appreciate ‘Bootylicious.’”

On this day in 1846, The Donner Party departed Independence, Missouri. Or as one guy put it, “Anyone else think it’s strange we’re one letter off from ‘Dinner Party’?”

Enjoy the present. And remember…The Garden’s Always Greener.

This Day in History: May 11

On this day in 1904, Slavador Dali was born. Unfortunately, no time of birth was recorded, as all the clocks had melted.

On this day in 1997, the supercomputer Deep Blue defeated Gary Kasparov at chess. It was then destroyed when its friends dumped Gatorade on it.

On this day in 1659, the Massachusetts Bay Colony officially banned Christmas, classifying it as a “satanic practice.” And if you’ve celebrated Christmas with your Massachusetts relatives…not wrong!

On this day in 1934, a massive dust storm engulfed the U.S. from the Great Plains all the way to Boston. People in the Great Plains cowered in fear – while people in Boston called it names until it left.

On this day in 1999, Sabrina Carpenter was born. Who cares? #TeamOlivia (This joke was written by my daughter.)

Enjoy the present. And remember…The Garden’s Always Greener.

This Day in History: May 10

On this day in 1978, actor Kenan Thompson was born. Which is odd, since he’s been on SNL since 1975.

On this day in 1962, Marvel published its first issue of The Incredible Hulk, about a respected intellectual who’s secretly a raging monster. If you want to see a whole bunch of those, just go to the Met Gala.

On this day in 1893, the Supreme Court ruled that tomatoes are vegetables, and not fruits. Then they moved onto their next pressing case: is a hot dog a sandwich?

On this day in 1994, Nelson Mandela was inaugurated as President of South Africa. But it got weird when he was like, “Wait, I could’ve sworn that I died…And has it always been Berenstain bears?? Could’ve sworn it was Berenstein!”

On this day in 1999, author Shel Silverstein died. Or in other words, the sidewalk ended.

On this day in 1970, Bobby Orr scored his historic Stanley Cup-winning goal for the Boston Bruins. Some young Bruins fans are like, “What’s a Stanley Cup?” While others are like, “What’s a goal?”

Enjoy the present. And remember…The Garden’s Always Greener.