This Day in History: April 1

On this day in 1985, Nike released the Air Jordan. It sold far better than its competitor – the Bouncepass Stockton.

On this day in 2004, Google launched Gmail. Or as AOL put it: “Good-bye!”

On this day in 1963, ABC debuted General Hospital, while NBC debuted The Doctors. Both of which outperformed CBS’ medical drama: Disgusting Rashes.

On this day in 1970, President Nixon banned cigarette ads on TV and radio. Said Nixon, “Lighters should only be used for candles! And burning incriminating documents.”

On this day in 1976, Apple Computers was founded by Steve Jobs, Steve Wozniak, and Ronald Wayne - the last of whom sold his share just 12 days later. Said Wayne, “At least I still have a recipe for New Coke, plenty of DeLorean stock, and my O.J. Simpson poster.”

Enjoy the present. And remember…The Garden’s Always Greener.

This Day in History: March 31

On this day in 1889, The Eiffel Tower opened. It helped the French engage in their favorite pastime: looking down on people.

On this day in 1943, Christopher Walken was born. His first words: “Goo…GOO……Ga……..GA.”

On this day in 1985, the first WrestleMania was held at Madison Square Garden. Hulk Hogan said, “Let me tell you somethin’, brother!” And Mr. T. said, “You probably shouldn’t be calling people ‘brothers’…”

On this day in 1968, Democrat Lyndon Johnson announced he would not run for reelection, opening the door for a corrupt Republican. Oof – can you imagine?

On this day in 1999, The Matrix premiered in theaters. If you take the red pill, you can learn an unsettling or life-changing truth about human existence; if you take the blue pill, you’ll get a boner.

Enjoy the present. And remember…The Garden’s Always Greener.

This Day in History: March 30

On this day in 1939, Batman made his comic book debut. You could tell he was just starting out, because the “Batmobile” was him going “Vroom, vroom!” while Alfred gave him a piggyback.

On this day in 2003, smoking was banned in all establishments in New York City. If you’re going inside, you must put your cigarette out – or give it to Times Square Elmo.

On this day in 1971, Starbucks opened its first store in Seattle. And the scones baked that day are still for sale in that Starbucks in Seattle.

On this day in 1867, the U.S. purchased Alaska from Russia. (For an election-to-be-named-later.)

On this day in 1950, former Red Sox manager Grady Little was born. Then he told the doctor, “I’d have left me in for just one more inning.”

Enjoy the present. And remember…The Garden’s Always Greener.

This Day in History: March 29

On this day in 1871, Endland’s Royal Albert Hall held its grand opening, featuring a choir conducted by William Carter. With an encore featuring Keith Richards.

On this day in 1867, legendary pitcher Cy Young was born. But how good was he really if he didn’t even win any Cy Youngs?

On this day in 1961, the Twenty-third Amendment to the Constitution was ratified, allowing residents of Washington, D.C. to vote in presidential elections. Which means up until 1961, the president could totally suck, then say “Don’t blame me – I didn’t vote for him!”

On this day in in 1792, Sweden’s King Gustav III died after being shot in the back; and on this day in 1809, King Gustav IV abdicated the throne after a coup d’etat. To which King Gustav V said, “Yeahhhhh…remind me to take a vacation day on March 29th.”

On this day in 1927, a car called Sunbeam 1000hp broke the land speed record. No one will ever forget its driver’s immortal words: “I really had to pee.”

Enjoy the present. And remember…The Garden’s Always Greener.

This Day in History: March 28

On this day in 1979, Three Mile Island suffered its nuclear disaster. After touring the site, the inspector gave it three thumbs down.

On this day in 1930, Constantinople changed its name to Istanbul. Said historians, “This might be giant.”

On this day in 1814, a funeral was held for Dr. Joseph-Ignace Guillotin, the inventor of the guillotine. When the priest told people to bow their heads, they screamed and ran away.

On this day in 1984, the Baltimore Colts moved to Indianapolis in the middle of the night. “This definitely remains the shadiest, middle-of-the-night, Baltimore-related football story!” said Ray Lewis.

On this day in 1986, Lady Gaga was born. Her first words: “Googoo…well…me.”

Enjoy the present. And remember…The Garden’s Always Greener.

Today in History: March 27

On this day in 1865, Lincoln, Sherman, and Grant planned the final stages of the Civil War. Said Lincoln, “Should we keep the plans secret, or telegraph them to a reporter at The Atlantic?”

On this day in 1929, Herbert Hoover had a telephone installed in the Oval Office. Which means that up until 1929, presidents were like, “I’m going to tell Germany this is their final warning!...Anyone got a quarter??”

On this day in 1625, Charles I was named King of England, Scotland, and Ireland, and claimed the title King of France. Oof – that guy must’ve been a nightmare on LinkedIn.

On this day in 1935, the University of Oregon defeated The Ohio State University to win the first men’s March Madness. You could tell it was the 30s, because instead of “That’s awesome, baby!” Dick Vitale said, “That’s the bee’s knees, baby!”

On this day in 1998, the FDA approved Viagra. Its original name: Dick Vitale.

Enjoy the present. And remember…The Garden’s Always Greener.

This Day in History: March 26

On this day in 1948, singer Steven Tyler was born. In the nursery, his crib was the one with 20 scarves tied to it.

On this day in 1934, the United Kingdom driving test was introduced. Some driving test – they still use the wrong side of the road.

On this day in 1920, F. Scott Fitzgerald’s first novel was published. Its title: “Are You There, God? It’s Me, F. Scott.”

On this day in 1953, Dr. Jonas Salk announced the polio vaccine. And on this day in 2025, a guy who drives around with dead bears in his car is debating if we need a polio vaccine.

On this day in 1804, Thomas Jefferson joined the Senate to consume an enormous loaf of bread dubbed “the mammoth loaf,” along with 1,200-pound block of cheese. And you thought it was tough getting stuff passed through Congress before.

Enjoy the present. And remember…The Garden’s Always Greener.

This Day in History: March 25

On this day in 1947, Elton John was born. Months later, he released his first song: “I’m Still Crawling.”

On this day in 1957, U.S. Customs seized copies of Allen Ginsberg’s poem “Howl” on grounds of obscenity. But he was found innocent, thanks to the legal precedent set in U.S. v. Man from Nantucket.

On this day in 2001, Bjork wore her famous swan dress. But the next day, she left it in the dryer too long and it became a dove dress.

On this day in 1995, the world’s first wiki is published – WikiWikiWeb. WikiWikiWeb was a site that could be edited by users – and not a lyric to a Barenaked Ladies song.

On this day in 1959, Chain Island was sold by the state of California to a businessman named Russell Gallaway III. Said Gallaway, “I plan to use it as a retreat for hunting and fishing and oh crap I’m gonna meet King Kong aren’t I?”

Enjoy the present. And remember…The Garden’s Always Greener.

This Day in History: March 24

On this day in 1900, the New York City began building its subway system. Or as rats called it, “urban renewal.”

On this day in 1976, football legend Peyton Manning was born. The doctor was like, “Here comes his head, and…more of his head and…still more head and…okay finally, the eyes…”

On this day in 1765, Great Britain passed the quartering act, requiring colonists to house British soldiers. While colonists demanded at least four stars on TripAdvisor.

On this day in 1874, Harry Houdini was born. And he came all the way out despite wearing handcuffs, chains, and a straight jacket.

On this day in 1989, the Exxon Valdez crashed and spilled 11 million gallons of oil. Or, almost as much as they found at Diddy’s.

Enjoy the present. And remember…The Garden’s Always Greener.

This Day in History: March 23

On this day in 1806, Lewis and Clark wrapped up their expedition and began their trip back to St. Louis. And about halfway home, they realized they’d left their phone chargers at the hotel.

On this day in 2011, Hollywood icon Elizabeth Taylor died. And even though she was dead, she somehow married five more times.

On this day in 1857, Elisha Otis installed the first commercial elevator in a building in New York City. The day also marks the first time one stranger awkwardly nodded at another and said, “Mondays, am I right?”

On this day in 1909, President Theodore Roosevelt left for his post-presidency safari, where he killed or captured 4,000 birds, 2,000 reptiles and amphibians, 500 fish, and 5,000 mammals. Or as that’s also known, one hot dog.

On this day in 1958, Hugh Grant was born. His first words: “Goo…what is it now, ah yes…goo…if you would just humor me for a moment…ga…and uh, what the devil is it, ah yes, there it is…ga.”

Today in 2010, Obamacare went into effect in the United States. Though to Vice-President Biden’s chagrin, it would not cover Flintstone Vitamins.

On this day in 1839, the initials O.K., short for “oll korrect,” were first published in the Boston Morning Post – making “OK” part of the national vernacular. When they heard this, people said, “Aight.”

On this day in 1775, Patrick Henry declared, delivered his speech: “Give me liberty, or give me death!” Followed by: “Give me one reason to stay here, and I’ll turn right back around.”

On this day in 2021, a container ship ran aground and obstructed the Suez Canal. But the blockage subsided, when they filled the canal with coffee and prunes.

On this day in 1801, Tsar Paul I of Russia was struck with a sword, strangled, then trampled to death inside his bedroom. And the next day, the “safe word” was invented.

Enjoy the present. And remember…The Garden’s Always Greener.

This Day in History: March 22

On this day in 1933, President Franklin D. Roosevelt legalized the sale of wine. Which explained that new phrase: Fireside Chat & Chill.

On this day in 1963, The Beatles released their debut album Please Please Me. It featured "I Saw Her Standing There," "Twist and Shout," and of course, "Peanut Butter Jelly Time.”

On this day in 1894, the first Stanley Cup Championship game was played in Canada. The winner: Montreal. The loser: the horse that had to pull the Zamboni.

On this day in 1972, the Supreme Court ruled that unmarried people can possess contraceptives. While married people can possess the best contraceptive: marriage.

On this day in 1931, William Shatner was born. His first words: "Goo. Goo. Ga. Ga."

Enjoy the present. And remember…The Garden’s Always Greener.

This Day in History: March 21

On this day in 1963, Alcatraz officially closed. And this is nice – the prisoners helped them hang the “Spirit Halloween” banner.

On this day in 1958, actor Gary Oldman was born. His name at the time: Gary Youngman.

On this day in 1980, Dallas aired its famous “who shot J.R.” cliffhanger. After which, Robert Blake called his agent to make sure he wasn’t on Dallas.

On this day in 1928, Charles Lindbergh was presented with the Medal of Honor for completing the first solo, trans-Atlantic flight. A medal now awarded to Spirit Airlines pilots who complete any flight.

On this day in 1980, the U.S. pulled out of the summer Olympics – and on this day in 2006, Twitter was founded. So, it’s a big day of victories for Russia.

Enjoy the present. And remember…The Garden’s Alway Greener.

This Day in History: March 20

On this day in 1760, the Great Boston Fire destroyed 349 buildings. Even crazier – they were all Dunkins.

On this day in 1916, Albert Einstein submitted his paper The Foundation of the General Theory of Relativity. And for works cited, he just wrote: “Uh, yeah, I’m Einstein.”

On this day in 1985, Libby Riddles became the first woman to win the Iditarod Trail Sled Dog Race. Or as dogs reported it: “Once again, a human rode along as we won the race.”

On this day in 2010, the Iclandic ice cap Eyjafjallajökull began erupting. But you’d be mad too, if your name looked like a cat walked across the keyboard.

On this day in 1928, Mr. Rogers was born. When the doctor slapped his bottom, the baby said, “We all get frustrated sometimes. Would you like to talk about it?”

Enjoy the present. And remember…The Garden’s Always Greener.

This Day in History: March 19

On this day in 1957, Elvis Presley made his first payment on Graceland. Or as he called it, “One for the money.”

On this day in 1918, daylight saving time was enacted in the U.S. In a statement, government officials said, “This measure is completely necessary because of the…war? Or…farmers? Or…birds? Wait, why are we doing this?”

On this day in 1953, the first Oscars telecast was held on NBC. The show ran just over 90 minutes – or, one Adrien Brody acceptance speech.

On this day in 1931, Nevada legalized gambling. Said Vegas, “Oh…uh…I guess we’ll start doing that just now…”

On this day in 1995, Michael Jordan came out of retirement to rejoin the Chicago Bulls. Said Jordan, “My heart is in Chicago – until there’s a team in Nevada.”

Enjoy the present. And remember…The Garden’s Always Greener.

This Day in History: March 18

On this day in 1845, Johnny Appleseed died. Of course, he was a man who went from town to town spreading his seed – or as we’d call him now, Nick Cannon.

On this day in 1911, Irving Berlin copyrighted the biggest pop song of the early 20th Century. That’s why he gets paid each time someone played “Cotton-Eyed Joe.”

On this day in 1965, Russian Cosmonaut Alexei Leonov became the first person to walk in space. How brave is that – going for a walk without listening to a podcast?

On this day in 1962, Dirty Jobs host Mike Rowe was born. After which he interviewed the doctor who delivered him.

On this day in 1990, 12 paintings worth a collective $500 million were stolen from the Isabella Stewart Gardner Museum in Boston. Among the paintings stolen were Landscape with Obelisk, Chez Tortoni, and of course, Where’s Waldo at the Beach?

Enjoy the present…and remember: The Garden’s Always Greener.

This Day in History: March 17

On this day in 461, St. Patrick died. Today, millions will honor his life through song and drink – and his death by blacking out.

On this day in 1762, New York City held its first St. Patrick’s Day Parade. It featured drummers, bagpipers, and a guy handing out flyers yelling, “Free comedy show! Comics you’ve seen on Comedy Central!”

On this day in 1962, Chicago started its tradition of dyeing the Chicago River green. While on this night in 1962, residents began their tradition of dyeing it yellow.

On this day in 1959, Boston Celtics great Danny Ainge was born. And by the evening, he’d turned his pacifier into two a rattle, two blankies, and three first-round draft picks.

On this day in 1903, second cousins Franklin D. Roosevelt and Eleanor Roosevelt were married. That story again – people get really drunk on St. Patrick’s Day.

Enjoy the present…and remember: The Garden’s Always Greener.

This Day in History: March 16

On this day in 1850, The Scarlet Letter was published. If you didn’t read it, just catch the TV version: The Maury Povich Show.

On this day in 1926, the first liquid-fueled rocket took flight in Massachusetts. Just a day before the people of Massachusetts become liquid-fueled rockets.

On this day in 1955, the NHL suspended Montreal Canadiens star Maurice Richard for the rest of the season, leading to riots in Canada. Of course, a “Canadian riot” means spilling some poutine and not saying “sorry.”

On this day in 1926, comedian Jerry Lewis was born. The doctor knew it was a boy when he saw its flortsenhagen!

On this day in 2008, Bear Sterns collapsed and was sold to J.P. Morgan Chase. So for once, a Bear was swallowed by someone other than RFK Jr.

Enjoy the present. And remember…The Garden’s Always Greener.

This Day in History: March 15

On this day in 44 B.C., Julius Caesar was assassinated. His last words: "Please...name an orange drink and a salad after me."

On this day in 1955, Twisted Sister singer Dee Snider was born. You can buy him a gift, but…he's not gonna take it.

On this day in 1820, Maine was admitted as the 23rd state. Its official state flag: a lobster wearing flannel and drinking a Moxie.

On this day in 1869, the Cincinnati Red Stockings became the first professional baseball team, going on to win a game 103-8. That score again: 103-8. Said the other team, "At this point, maybe we should send in a belly-itcher."

On this day in 1972, The Godfather held its premiere. Humans enjoyed the film, while horses walked out.

Enjoy the present. And remember…The Garden’s Always Greener.

Today in History: March 14

On this day in 1950, the FBI debuted its 10 Most Wanted Fugitives List. So, it was a day of mixed emotions for the 11th Most Wanted Fugitive.

On this day in 1903, President Theodore Roosevelt established the first national wildlife refuge. Or as RFK Jr. calls that, “a buffet.”

On this day in 1794, Eli Whitney patented the cotton gin. Then in 1861, he said, “Did I do that???”

On this day in 1988, basketball star Steph Curry was born. He impressed other babies in the nursery by shooting his pacifier into a crib 40 feet away.

On this day in 1879, Albert Einstein was born. It followed an event nine months earlier which his parents called “the Big Bang.”

Enjoy the present. And remember…The Garden’s Always Greener.

This Day in History: March 13

On this day in 1942, the U.S. Army launched its K-9 Corps. Meanwhile, cats continued to provide intelligence to the Germans.

On this day in 2013, Pope Francis was elected. They used white smoke to declare a pope had been chosen, and blue smoke to announce he was a boy.

On this day in 1639, Harvard College was named after clergyman John Harvard. "I hope one day, I'll achieve the same honor," said his friend, Jeff University-of-Phoenix-Online.

On this day in 1930, the discovery of Pluto was announced. Astronomers had many questions about Pluto; namely, why is he owned by Goofy? (And will both be drafted by the Army?)

On this day in 1781, William Herschel discovered Uranus. As everyone knows, the planet was named after the Greek God of your butt.

Enjoy the present. And remember…The Garden’s Always Greener.