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THE JONOLOGUE
Vice-President Biden threw out the ceremonial first pitch at the Oriole’s Camden Yards on Opening Day. You could tell it was thrown by Biden, because it went long and missed the mark completely.
In the gunfight that ensued to rescue Captain Richard Phillips, three Somali pirates were killed, and one was captured. Experts said they haven’t seen a group of pirates get beat this bad anywhere since—well, Pittsburgh.
Some moral and legal issues have been raised about the surviving Somali pirate’s legal status, as he could be younger than 18 years old. And his problems don’t end there; today when she heard the kid might be going to jail, Madonna broke up with him.
President Obama’s science advisor John Holdren has introduced a new global warming plan that would shoot pollution particles into the earth’s upper atmosphere to reflect the sun’s rays. The tactic will be known as Operation: We’re Rubber, You’re Glue.
The Washington Post noted that the new White House dog, Bo, is very taken by President Obama, and likes to follow him around obediently—wait, I’m sorry, that’s Chris Matthews.
President Obama is expected to lift restrictions and make it easier for Americans to travel more freely to Cuba. To which Yankees scouts said, “Oh…it’s good to hear we can start doing that just now…”
Kevin Garnett is expected to miss the playoffs completely. The good news: today he was named an honorary Knick.
Fin
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I’ll be at Slapshots in Merrimack, NH this Friday at 8PM, and at the Kikuyama Japanese Steak House in Dedham, MA this Saturday at 8PM. See ya there.
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