March 30th, 2009 at 7:55 pm
Posted by Jon in Uncategorized

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THE JONOLOGUE

 

There was a bit of an embarrassing moment on the International Space Station, when one of the Discovery astronauts got confused and accidentally inserted a pin upside down and jammed the platform.  When he was asked about it, the astronaut said, “Well, that’s what we get for buying this thing from Ikea.”

 

In Tulsa, Oklahoma, one of the most deadly spiders in the world was found inside a Whole Foods Grocery Store.  Because it was found at a Whole Foods, the spider was described as extremely poisonous and incredibly pretentious.

 

Simon and Garfunkel announced they are reuniting for a reunion tour in Asia and Australia.  Proceeds from the tour will benefit the needy—Garfunkel.

 

President Bush has reached a $7 million deal to write a memoir on his eight years in office.  Bush has reportedly already written 30,000 words—dozens of which can actually be found in a dictionary. 

 

President Bush has reached a $7 million deal to write a memoir on his eight years in the White House.  To reflect his approval rating, the pages of the book are actually numbered backwards.

 

Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez said that President Obama was at best “an ignoramous.”  As a result, Chavez has been named the permanent fill-in host for Rush Limbaugh.

 

While taking questions at a town hall meeting in Los Angeles, President Obama was greeted by one supporter, who said, “You inspire such a passion.  How can we best partner with you?”  To which President Obama said, “Mr. Mathews, I told you, we’ll discuss this the next time I’m on Hardball.” 

 

A new poll shows that if an election were held today, President Obama would trounce Alaska Governor Sarah Palin by 20 points.  However, it should be noted that 15% of those surveyed were moose.      

 

Actress Julianne Moore has reportedly signed on to play Hillary Clinton in an upcoming film about President Clinton and former British Prime Minister Tony Blair.  And today, Bill asked how much it would take to get Moore to play Hillary in real life.

                       

Japan ousted the U.S. from the World Baseball Classic in a major upset.  Experts are calling this the biggest embarrassment for the U.S. baseball team since—well, the last World Baseball Classic.         

 

In Naples, Italy, thousands of people marched in the streets to protest the mafia.  They will be missed.

 

The number one film at the box office last weekend was the Nicolas Cage movie “Knowing,” in which Cage plays an astrophysics professor who figures out a way to predict monumental catastrophes.  Coming in a disappointing third was the new Julia Roberts film “Duplicity”—which, ironically, was one of the catastrophes predicted by the guy in “Knowing.”

 

One of UK Prime Minister Gordon Brown’s leading green advisers is saying that Britain must cut its population in half if the country wants to be able to feed itself.  As a result, Nadya Suleman has been officially banned from Britain.           

 

One of UK Prime Minister Gordon Brown’s leading green advisers is saying that Britain must cut its population in half if the country wants to be able to feed itself.  He says it needs to get rid of half its people.  This could explain Brown’s surprising choice for health minister: Amy Winehouse.  Damn it, I just can’t quit her.  I’m disqualifying this Jonologue right here.

 

Fin 

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Big show in Hampton TOMORROW (WEDNESDAY) APRIL 1ST AT THE OLD SALT!!!  PLENTY OF TICKETS STILL AVAILABLE! !  I’m there with John Turco and Steve Scarfo, 7:30PM.  Call TODAY and reserve a spot!  Great show at a great restaurant, I can’t emphasize fully how much you should go.  Seriously, if there’s one comedy show you go to at the Old Salt in Hampton on a Wednesday this year, this is the one.  See you there then, see you here next week.


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March 23rd, 2009 at 8:59 pm
Posted by Jon in Uncategorized

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THE JONOLOGUE

 

According to a new study, 71 percent of women in college think their dates want them to get really drunk.  The other 29 percent are apparently very naïve.  

 

While speaking at New England Law Boston, Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsberg hinted there may soon be an opening on the Supreme Court.  And it doesn’t end there; today, the Supreme Court posted an ad seeking resumes on Craigslist.         

 

In Boston, a fistfight broke out in the audience at a debate between Ann Coulter and Bill Maher.  Police were afraid this might happen, since it was a debate between one of the most controversial men in the country, and Bill Maher.                

 

Iowa Senator Charles Grassley suggested that AIG executives should take the Japanese approach toward accepting responsibility for the company’s collapse by resigning or killing themselves.  I’m no expert, but is it really an either/or?  I mean, if you kill yourself, isn’t that pretty much resigning, too?  “Today, Bob Walters killed himself.  However, he’ll continue to stay on as CEO.”  (Applause, applause, applause).

 

Citigroup Chairman Richard Parsons said that the bank doesn’t need any more injections.  Then today, he said the same thing about Nancy Pelosi.    

 

According to the Wall Street Journal, scientists say that sideburns serve as a good alternative for Botox, because they take the focus off the wrinkles in your face.  After reading the article, Nancy Pelosi told her hairdresser to give her “the Elvis.”

 

Respected pastor David Wilkerson predicted an “earth-shattering calamity” centered in New York City that will spread to major urban areas across the country and the world.  The good news: the calamity is now doing 150 years in prison.  

 

In court, Bernie Madoff said that after years of lying and bilking people out of their life savings, he always feared this day would come—just apparently, not enough to stop lying and bilking people out of their life savings.

 

After Madoff said he was sorry, one former investor brushed off the apology, saying “I don’t think he has a sincere bone in his body.”  At least, not yet…

 

A former University of Colorado professor is fighting to get his job back, claiming that he was fired after he compared the victims of 9/11 victim to Nazis, but the school is claiming he was fired because it found examples of plagiarism in several of his essays.  When asked for a statement, the man said, “Four score and seven years ago, our fathers brought forth…”  

 

Curators at the National Museum of American History found a hidden message engraved inside Abraham Lincoln’s pocket watch.  The message: “No fat chicks.”  

 

Scientists have found the fossils of a prehistoric sea monster that weighed 45 metric tons, and had a 33,000 pounds per square inch bite force.  These break the old records set by Rush Limbaugh.       

 

A Johns Hopkins and Dartmouth-trained physician is saying that those who drink alcohol on a daily basis actually live longer.  When asked how he arrived at the conclusion, the doctor said “Two words: Keith Richards.”

 

The father of Bristol Palin’s baby, Levi Johnston broke up with her, and broke off their engagement. Today, Governor Sarah Palin spent the afternoon making room on her wall for another mounted head.     

 

Former Vice-President Dick Cheney said Americans are less safe now than they were when he was in office.  Then he said, “Speaking of which, huntin’ time!”

 

At an event at Union Station lauding recent train station and passenger rail investments, Joe Biden was caught on mic using the F-word.  The good news: this is actually the least embarrassing thing Biden has said so far.

 

In New York, a riot broke out at an audition for America’s Next Top Model, causing hundreds of models to rush out on the street and trample each other.  Apparently, the commotion began when someone inside yelled out something alarming, like “FOOD!”     

 

An American Idol staffer told friends the show’s producers have already picked this season’s final four contestants. Apparently, American Idol is now using the same business model as the NBA. 

 

Nobel Prize-winner Professor Robert Mundell has backed the idea of instituting a world currency.  This would eliminate a number of problems for Americans, such as converting our zero dollars into zero Euros.

 

GROANERS!  GROANERS!  THE FOLLOWING JOKES—THAT’S RIGHT, JOKES PLURAL—WILL MAKE YOU GROAN EVEN MORE THAN THE OTHERS! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!  YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!

 

The economy’s hitting everyone.  Today, Hootie got rid of the Blowfish, replaced them with the singing fish from the McDonald’s ad!

 

Everyone’s making cutbacks.  Watchmen—now Sundial Men!

 

People are desperate.  Today, I saw Chris Brown beating up a Coinstar machine!

  

It’s hitting everyone.  Today, I saw the Verizon Guy calling collect on a payphone!

 

People are real desperate.  Today, I saw Chris Brown and the Coinstar machine reconciling!

 

That’s enough!  That’s enough!  Somebody pull the lever!!!

 

Fin 

*          *          *          *          *

Phew!  Boy, that escalated quickly!  I mean, that really got out of hand fast!

 

 

How do?  I’m okay.  First, let me mention some standup stuff (yep, I’m still one of  those!).  If you’re in the NH area Friday night, come see me, along with the incredibly funny Patty Ross, Mike McDonald, and Dave Rattigan.  Tickets are available HERE.

 

If you’re down on the old Cape this Saturday, come see me and some other people I’m sure are great at The Cape Codder in (or is it “on?”) Hyannis.  Info for that available HERE.

 

But here’s another…know how some of you are always asking “When are you gonna do a show in Hampton?”  Here’s the answer: Wednesday April 1, at the Old Salt.  April Fools Day Show, get it?  For more info, go HERE.

 

And congratulations to Curt Schilling on a great career, and, since I’m sure he’s reading this, thanks once again for truly gutting it out in 2004.  As I’ve said to anyone who’ll listen, 2004-05 will always go down as one of the greatest, most enjoyable times of my life—and probably, was for many people in the region—and I truly believe the 0-3 comeback was one of the true catalysts.  And I found it especially compelling that he actually announced the retirement on his blog.  An interesting concept.

 

Also, I’ve added another “thought at 26” or two to last week’s blog that I found in my pocket, so rather than actually think up enough thoughts for another thoughts thing, they’re there now.  That’s all I’ve got to say, see ya next week.


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March 16th, 2009 at 10:16 pm
Posted by Jon in Uncategorized

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THE JONOLOGUE

 

Bernard Madoff pled guilty to all 11 felony charges related to his Ponzi scheme, telling the court that he is “deeply sorry and ashamed” for his actions.  Especially since he got caught.

 

Brad Pitt visited Capitol Hill, meeting with lawmakers to discuss ways to rebuild New Orleans.  Nancy Pelosi was very taken by Pitt.  In fact, there was one awkward moment when she tried to wink at him and pulled a hamstring.

 

The press has noted that President Obama has struggled, seeming to mix bleak warnings in with optimism about the future.  Obama responded by saying the press couldn’t be more wrong, but may just have a point.

 

Charles Barkley was released from prison after three days rather than five for his New Year’s DUI conviction, due partly to jail overcrowding. The amazing part: he was the only one in it.

 

It was this month in 1962 Wilt Chamberlain scored 100 points in a game for the Philadelphia Warriors.  Afterwards, Chamberlain spent the night celebrating with his older girlfriend, Madonna.

 

The New York Yankees will be without slugger Alex Rodriguez for six to nine weeks as he undergoes hip surgery.  Since A-Rod will be unable to contribute, manager Joe Girardi told the team to pretend like it’s the playoffs.        

 

YOU’LL KNOW WHAT IS COMING…BUT YOU’RE STILL GONNA LAUGH!  YOU WON’T WANT TO ADMIT IT, BUT YOU’RE STILL GONNA LAUGH!

YOU’LL SEE IT SO EARLY, IT’S LIKE YOU’RE A GIRAFFE!

YOU’LL KNOW WHAT IS COMING…BUT YOU’RE STILL GONNA LAUGH!

 

Michael Jackson as passed the required medical tests so he can perform this summer in London.  Michael said he had the body of a young man—and today, the young man’s parents threatened to press charges. 

 

YOU KNEW WHAT IS COMING, BUT YOU PROBABLY STILL LAUGHED!

 

Michael Jackson made an appearance in London, where he announced plans for a string of British farewell concerts.  Only 1,000 people showed up—and most of them thought he was Amy Winehouse.   

 

Police in New Mexico found 1200 pounds of marijuana packed in cans labeled as spinach.  This could also explain why Popeye was found listening to Phish and staring at a Magic Eye.

 

After 17 years, Disney has stopped producing new episodes of the hit children’s show Power Rangers.  In even bigger news, apparently Disney had still been producing new episodes of Power Rangers.

 

A man on board an American Airlines jet from Charlotte to Dallas opened a door and slid down an inflatable emergency chute as the aircraft waited to taxi to its gate at Dallas/Fort Worth International Airport.  Apparently, the man decided to pull the stunt when he heard the in-flight movie was The Love Guru.        

 

British scientists have created a virtual reality headset that recreates all five senses to make them as convincing as real life.  The scientists say this could forever revolutionize the way people enjoy porn.              

 

In Brisbane, Australia, police were called when a mini-riot broke out at a nudist colony, after a man refused to take his clothes off.  The man was arrested, and charged with indecent concealment.

 

Police in Niagara Falls have ordered a 53-year-old woman to remove a sign from her home stating that she only rents to white people.  Neighbors called the signs offensive—unless she rents skis, and is just reporting on business.

 

Archeologists have excavated a skeleton from a 16th century Venetian grave site that may be the earliest example of a body being treated as a vampire.  A female skeleton was discovered with a brick deliberately lodged in its mouth, meaning she was either a vampire or the earliest known host of The View.        

 

GROANER!  GROANER!  THE FOLLOWING JOKE WILL MAKE YOU GROAN EVEN MORE THAN THE OTHERS! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!  YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!

 

The New York Times has been forced to sell 21 floors of its Manhattan headquarters.  And it’s not lookin’ good; the New York Times crossword puzzle has been replaced by tic-tac-toe.

 

Fin 

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So I had an idea recently for a cartoon, and thought this would be a good place to put it.  Maybe it’ll become a regular thing.  Who knows, but here goes, drawn by me, first drawing in about ten years…

Boom.  And now, time for…

 

Thoughts at 26…

 

If there’s one thing I can’t stand, it’s passive aggressive people.  Or whatever.

 

I think that if you’re famous, a really cool thing to do would be to pick out someone who’s a little less famous, follow them around, and trump their buzz by always walking into the restaurant right after them.

 

I think the worst thing about being the World’s Strongest Man is that probably all your friends ask you for help moving.

 

Driving around, I keep seeing all these signs that say FROST HEAVES.  And I wonder, am I the only one who continually, mistakenly reads them as descriptive sentences?  Like “Man, frost heaves.”  You’re right man.  Frost does heave.  In the meantime, I’ll just keep driving around and covering up each HEAVES with the word NIXON.  Ka-blam!  You’re welcome.

 

So Julio Lugo is hurt.  Again.  And amazingly, will contribute as much to the Red Sox as he did when healthy.  $10 million a year they’re paying for this guy.  Every year, it seems like the Red Sox are trying to a) add more seats to the park and b) explain overspending for a short stop.  Here’s my idea: put 20 seats at short stop.  Two birds, my friends.

 

Memo to anyone getting married: hire someone to marry you.  Get a priest, or a minister, or whatever.  Or a Justice of the Peace.  Or just somebody with some kind of presence and public speaking experience.  When I show up at a wedding, I want to see someone I’m at least a little bit intimidated by overseeing the thing, not your friend in shorts and a mullet.  Whatever happened to “Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today…”  Now it’s “When I first met Hank and Stacy at the MacGyver convention…”  HIRE A GUY!

 

Beating a dead horse here, but, isn’t it pretty ridiculous that we’re having to ban trans fats?  Like “People are getting too fat—we must ban trans fats.  Even though they’ve been around much longer than people have been fat.”  I guess one factor is that fast food restaurants made fatty foods more readily accessible, but instead of maintaining moderation, people just fell right in with the handiness.  But could this carry over?  I mean, there’s always been porn, but with the internet, people have become addicted to it.  Is the government gonna step in and make sure pornos are only produced starring fat and wrinkly people?  And if so, what is the address?

 

I was reading about the St. Valentine’s Day Massacre, and learned that a number of the hitmen hired by Al Capone were actually mobsters from outside the city that wouldn’t be known to the victims—or as they were called, “freelancers.”  And I wondered if freelancing for the mob was anything like freelancing for a comedy show.  “Hi, Leslie?  This is Paul.  I saw a bullet hit one of Bugs Moran’s guys that looked an awful lot like one of mine…I haven’t gotten a check yet…”

 

Man, would I like to bring back the Hawaiian shirts someday.

 

I was reading about Abraham Lincoln the other day, and I read that, while Lincoln is often depicted as having a deep, booming voice, he actually had a rather high, nasally voice.  In fact, most people don’t know that he actually sang lead on Surfin’ Safari.

 

You can keep the Fillet of Fish. 

 

Talk to ya next week.

 

 


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March 9th, 2009 at 9:20 pm
Posted by Jon in Uncategorized

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THE JONOLOGUE

 

It was reported that the emperor of Japan may visit Pearl Harbor in July, which would be the first trip ever by a member of the imperial family to the historic site.  The emperor is reportedly preparing a speech for the occasion, which will start with the line, “Awkward!”

 

Defense Secretary Robert Gates compared Presidents Obama and Bush, saying that President Obama is somewhat more analytical, and makes sure he hears from everybody in the room on an issue.  Gates also noted that President Obama doesn’t insist that all security meetings take place inside his tree fort.

 

Bernie Madoff has agreed to give up the rights to his business, artwork and entertainment tickets.  Madoff even offered to give up his Mets, Knicks and Jets tickets—to which prosecutors said, “Ehh, that’s okay.”

 

People with unusual last names such as “Super,” “Six,” and “Pancake,” are having trouble signing up for Facebook pages because the online site automatically rejects names that may be fake.  The bug has proved to be the latest in a lifetime of disappointments for Skidmore freshman Gus Penisvagina.

 

In Arizona, a man was arrested after authorities discovered 1,400 pounds of marijuana hidden in a semitrailer he was driving.  Authorities believe the 1,400 pounds of marijuana was either being delivered to a large-scale drug cartel, or a whale with glaucoma.      

 

A woman in Michigan with two wombs has given birth to twin daughters, one with each uterus.  Said the woman, “Ta-da!”

 

The “Octomom,” Nadya Suleman has turned down a $1 million porno deal with Vivid Entertainment, because she’s worried about what her children would think one day.   Apparently, she doesn’t want her 14 kids to grow up, thinking their mom’s some kind of weirdo.

 

In a recent blog, Nadya Suleman, the octuplets mom, says that she will tell her children who their father is, and says that she only speaks to him “once a year.”  That makes it official: the father is Santa.

 

In a new poll Jessica Rabbit from “Who Framed Roger Rabbit,” was named the sexiest cartoon character ever, followed by Betty Boop and Cadbury’s Caramel Bunny.  Finishing a surprising fourth: Droopy Dog.

 

A truck driver in Nevada was surprised when an eagle burst through the windshield of his semi trailer.  Even more surprising was the fact the Eagle in question was Glenn Frey.

 

Liverpool Hope University in England has launched a Master of Arts degree in The Beatles.  The university says the degree is an excellent option for those looking to pursue a career in debating the Beatles, since they don’t have an actual job to go to.

 

Simon Cowell said recently that after he dies, he wants to have his body cryogenically frozen.  In related news, Paula Abdul said she wants to have her body submerged in a frozen margarita.

 

Nicole Ritchie announced she is pregnant with her second child.  Ritchie will soon go in for her sonogram, which for her involves standing in front of a bright window.     

 

GROANER!  GROANER!  THE FOLLOWING JOKE WILL MAKE YOU GROAN EVEN MORE THAN THE OTHERS! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!  YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!

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A pink dolphin was discovered swimming in a lake in Louisiana.  The dolphin was described as extremely flam-buoyant.

 

DEATH NOTICES

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In Russia, a man died after swallowing a bottle of Viagra so he could take part in a 12-hour sex orgy with two women.  The man’s funeral was an open casket—had to be, since they couldn’t close the lid.

 

Fin 

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Not too shabby, eh?  How are you?  I’m okay. 

 

Before anyone asks, no, I am not running for selectman in North Hampton, NH—that is my dad.  Similarly, my dad is not appearing at The Comedy Studio in Harvard Square this Friday or Headliners Comedy Club in Manchester this Saturday—that would be me.  But if it goes poorly, I’ll probably just tell people it was him.

 

And now with that out of the way, it’s time for the SEARCH KEYWORDS OF THE WEEK!!  What’s that?  Well, when my good friend Mike Bracco set this site up for me, he installed a little tracking device to tell me what words lead people to this site.  It’s often stuff such as “Jon Rineman,” “Rinemania,” and “Embarrassment.”  But sometimes, it will wind up being a whole phrase that, to me, makes absolutely no sense.  This week’s winner: “ANDRE THE GIANT HAD TO SHIT IN THE BATHTUB”.  Congratulations!

Also, let’s not forget what’s happening this weekend.  Sunday is March 15, which means one thing…HAPPY 68TH BIRTHDAY MIKE LOVE OF THE BEACH BOYS!  Wear a hat inside for me, will ya??

 

Until next week, goodbye.


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March 2nd, 2009 at 8:02 pm
Posted by Jon in Uncategorized

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THE NONOLOGUE

 

All right, here’s the deal: I don’t have anything new to put here this week…but, I did manage to come across a bunch of things I wrote like three or four years ago—some, back in college.  So, if it’s relevant you want, come back next week, but know that I’ll be hosting a great show this Friday night at Mottley’s Comedy Club featuring 10 of (literally) Boston’s best comics.  If you’re down with reruns, read on…

 

In Syracuse, a man is in trouble after sending an imposter to take a paternity test requested by a woman he had slept with.  Police became suspicious when the man who showed up to take the paternity test was Richard Simmons.

 

As part of its new collective bargaining agreement, the NBA will begin implementing a tougher drug testing program which may include testing for marijuana.  When they heard this, every player in the NBA retired.

 

It was reported that Billy Joel once again entered a rehab facility in Connecticut.  It’s not all bad news, however, as it only took two hours to pull his car out of the lobby.

 

In Beijing, Chinese officials busted up a ring of drug-dealers responsible for selling fake Viagra.  But because the Viagra was fake, the dealers’ punishment will be stiff at first, and then quickly turn soft.

 

Florida recently passed a law allowing citizens to shoot anyone they feel seriously threatened by.  By the end of the day, Florida resident O.J. Simpson had been shot eight-thousand times.

 

It was reported that Britney Spears and Kevin Federline have reached a deal that will net them $3 million for home video footage of their new baby.  The footage is expected to show the boy learning how to move and feed himself, as well as several shots of the baby.

 

Hershey’s is suing a maternity wear company, for coming out with a new line of clothes known as Milk Duds.  In related the news, the company has also introduced a new line of condoms; they’re calling them Everlasting Gobstoppers.

 

The police department in Mesa, Arizona is petitioning to add a monkey to its SWAT team.  They think he can help them undo locks too small for a human or a computer to decipher, and that there’s a good chance that he can help lead officials to this man.

 

Fin 

*          *          *          *          *

 

When people talk to me about this blog, they usually have three general comments: 1) Are you still doing that blog? 2) Why? 3) It doesn’t seem as bloggy as other blogs.  Reason being: there aren’t a lot of opinions on here.  In fact, to this day, nobody knows who I voted for in the last election.  And that’s because I’ve set a rule that I will only offer my personal opinions on the following subjects: the Boston Celtics, the Boston Red Sox, the Beach Boys, why Coke is better than Pepsi, and the Canadian rock band Barenaked Ladies.  Well since the Obama Administration has made my point for me as far as the penultimate subject on the group, I will instead turn my attention to the final one.

 

This past week, Steven Page announced that after 20 years, he is leaving Barenaked Ladies.  And frankly, I was shocked.  For those who don’t know, Barenaked Ladies have been one of my two favorite bands since about 1998.  I was somewhat familiar with their work after seeing them on Letterman, where their song about Brian Wilson first caught my ear.  I knew they did “If I Had a Million Dollars,” and basically categorized them as “shark jump-worthy” once I heard “One Week.”  But I think it was the second single off of Stunt, “It’s All Been Done,” that truly won me over.  It sounded like a cross between the Beach Boys and Roy Orbison (which, history of me buffs would know was the first live concert I ever saw at the ripe old age of five), and it was sung by Mr. Page himself.

 

Like the other bands I ejoy (The Beach Boys, Beatles, Ac/Dc, Queen, The Killers, etc.), BNL stood out because of their distinct vocals, in particular Steve’s.  It was like Kermit the Frog meets Pavarotti—strange?  Yes.  But different?  That too.  I think the biggest thing was that, being a dorky white kid, I actually found myself able to identify with a lot of their stuff.  I actually spent a summer lying in bed, just like Brian Wilson did.  I actually did (and still do) dream about what I’d do if I had a million dollars.  And, I was in the process of being told “I’m just not that into you” when “Thanks, That Was Fun” came out.  To this day, I actually feel like I’m a freshman in college all over again when I hear that song—which I guess explains why I always find myself buying Antoine Walker jerseys and Minidiscs.

 

But more than anything, it’s the insanely vast array of people that I had the pleasure of seeing BNL live with that stands out.  I thought about it the other day, and about 99% of the most important people in my life at one point or another have gone with me to one of those shows.  Everyone from high school friends to college friends to even my own family (when they played with the Pops).  I even got to “work with” them when I shot a roll-in for the EVVY Awards, and each time, they couldn’t have been nicer or more down to earth.  And frankly, I never thought that would have to end.  Yeah, they’d lost the edge and some of the uniqueness they used to have, but the one thing I could count on was that this band, unlike another I’m fond of, truly got along, and would still be playing together for a long, long time.  There wouldn’t be any lawsuits.  There wouldn’t be any breakups.  And yet, here we are.

 

All I know is, it’s a huge, huge loss.  I went through my iTunes the other day, and realized that nearly every one of my favorite BNL songs was sung by this guy.  And I think it’s foolish for Terry McBride to claim that Steve was somehow minimally involved with the group over the past decade (which, by the way, hasn’t boasted a commercially successful single since the very beginning part of said decade).  Yeah, he hardly sang on any of the songs that were singles—well guess who picked those singles: people like YOU did, Terry McBride! 

 

Don’t get me wrong, I think Ed Robertson is every bit as talented and an incredibly nice guy, and I think his maturity and perspective in handling this whole situation is unbelievably admirable.  I think I share the same view as other fans in wishing well to all involved.  It just won’t be the same seeing the band without its best singer.  I mean, it’s tough to imagine a band carrying on with only four members, three of which are originals and one of which is a founder.  Who would do that?  Oh, right.

 

I’ll end this week’s space-filler by offering up a little piece of media I’ve never before posted, mainly because it’s so embarrassing.  In 2003, I went to the band’s Peep Show Tour kickoff at the Orpheum in Boston.  I was a junior in college, and it had been about two years since BNL toured.  Back in high school (when I was still a drummer), I had a sign that read “TY—PLEASE LET ME PLAY PERCUSSION! (SPECIFICALLY TAMBOURINE).”  I knew I was gonna be giving up the drums when I went to college, and I always figured in my selfish, obnoxious teenage state that playing with BNL would be as good a way as any to “go out.”  Needless to say, that never happened.  Fast-forward to fall 2003, and my good friend Ben Atkinson, knowing this story, dared me to bring the sign and give it one more shot.  As luck would have it, the band would stop to do a brief Q & A…a gentleman by the name of King Jeff would be running his recorder…and low and behold…I give you Barenaked Ladies Feat.  Jon—“Alcohol.”

01-captain-visorpants

Steph, Steve, Visorpants.

Steph, Steve, Visorpants.

 
 
 

 

 


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