Jokes Written While Lying Next to "Stuffy" Daughter

It’s a low-key day as my girl has a “bit of a cold” after her first Red Sox game last night. So, on the 15th anniversary of my “Late Night” hiring, I did like John Havlicek practicing on his birthday and wrote a few:

On Monday, a 4.4 earthquake hit Hollywood. It would have been bigger, but Warner Brothers canceled it.

NBA2K has a new feature that lets users go back to 2016 and rewrite history. “I got next!” said Hillary.

Donald Trump built a new wall at his golf course in Ireland. Then he yelled: “And the leprechauns are gonna pay for it!”

Republicans are worried about Trump’s age and bizarre behavior. But they’ve got a pretty good plan: relacing him with Kamala Harris.

Ukraine scored some of its biggest victories in the war with Russia. You could tell Putin gonna lose when he put on a green windsuit and started breakdancing.

Breakdancing will not be a part of the 2028 Olympics. Gotta give credit to that lady from Australia: she says she’s a breakdancer, and she literally broke dancing.

A new study found the U.S. has the lowest life expectancy among English-speaking countries. People were shocked – that we’re still considered an English-speaking country. “Our lifespan is suss?? No cap!”

Netflix announced a live series featuring pychic Tyler Henry. As opposed to those other Netflix pychics: people who guess their ex’s new password.

A reporter was caught using AI to make up quotes and stories. Said the reporter, “Why is it now time we focus close on that issue you say just now? Especially with the aliens landing.”

A new study found funny parents raise happier kids. When I asked my daughter about this, she just shrugged and kept listening to Morrissey.

THE GARDEN’S ALWAYS GREENER!! Check it out!